


when I'm with you it's like everything glows

by lilieswho



Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anne is flirty when she's drunk, Canon Compliant, Drinking, F/M, Fluff, Kissing in the Rain, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Shirbert Song Project 2020, Star Gazing, anne is the queen of trousers, canon death is mentioned, here we have another mix of awae with aogg bc i am like hannah montana, i choose the best of both worlds, i tried writing roy as a likeable person but his personality is an umbrella so i did what I could
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:15:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25075234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilieswho/pseuds/lilieswho
Summary: As Anne starts questioning her relationship with her two year suitor, Roy Gardner, a certain curled hair young man keeps invading her mind when she should really be paying attention to her beau.-based on the song the way I loved you by Taylor Swift for the Shirbert Song Project 2020
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley, Royal "Roy" Gardner/Anne Shirley
Comments: 87
Kudos: 272
Collections: Shirbert Song Project 2020





	1. I don't know where we got lost

**Author's Note:**

> So, first of all, I must thank my beautiful talented friend Sabrina for helping me out with the structure of this fic. I have no idea how this would've turned out if you hadn't suggested this. To my beautiful betas, Giulia and Sabrina, thank you so much for taking time from your busy busy schedule to proof read this, you two are awesome.
> 
> This fic is a part of the Shirbert Song Project 2020, a project created by me to bring more Shirbert content based on an artist's song. This is inspired by the song The Way I Loved You by Taylor Swift. 
> 
> I hope you like it!

_He says everything I need to hear and it's like_

_I couldn't ask for anything better_

* * *

“Would you like more tea, darling pet?”

Anne looked at the man sitting across from her, trying not to seem caught off guard, as if she was paying complete attention to what he was saying before. It wasn’t her fault her mind was still buzzing with curiosity about the book she had been reading earlier that day when Roy arrived to call on her earlier than usual.

It hadn’t even been two o’clock when Roy had knocked on her boarding house’s door holding a small bouquet and charming his way into the house earlier than allowed. Mrs. Blackmore surely had been caught off guard, and Anne had been sure she was about to scold Roy for showing up so early and remind him how improper that was, but as soon as he handed her the bouquet and thanked her for always keeping the girl’s best interests at heart, it was hard for her not to allow Anne to leave a little earlier.

That wasn’t a rare occurrence, Roy charming his way into situations, especially the ones regarding her and her boarding house. The first time it had happened, Anne was impressed Mrs. Blackmore permitted her to sit with her suitor a full twenty minute before it was allowed. None of the girls seemed too pleasant with that.

Truth be told, she couldn’t blame Mrs. Blackmore for caving in so easily. That was how things went with Roy on a daily basis. She had seen him use his charms frequently at Queens to get his way around, especially because he travelled for business a lot and would miss more than his shares of classes. The teachers were more than happy to give him extensions on projects whenever he needed them.

It should’ve bothered her, for him to manage to walk above the rules without a care, but just like the majority of the female student body, Anne had fallen for his charms quite rapidly.

Even her friends who were, in a way or another, in a courtship seemed to always blush whenever Roy was around. That day, when he arrived to call on her, Anne could hear Jane’s and Tillie’s giggles down the hall as they approached her room to let her know he was waiting for her in the parlor. It was a shame, she thought, closing her book. Now she’d have to wait a whole day to find out who the murderer was.

When he mentioned he had planned to spend their day together at a tea place, Anne tried her best to hide her disappointment. As much as Anne enjoyed spending time with Roy, it was such a beautiful day outside with so many possibilities around and sights to be seen— who would want to spend the day inside some old tea shop where all eyes would be set on them?

Apparently Roy.

It wasn’t like she didn’t enjoy their outing. She did, very much, but as handsome and interesting as he could be, Roy wasn’t very much known for his creativity. It wasn’t a problem most of the time— to be honest, she was creative enough for both of them— but it was times like this Anne wished she was anywhere else. Especially after almost two years of the same routine.

“Yes, thank you.” She forced a smile, watching him reach for the kettle in front of him. “So, how was Europe? You never told me how your trip went.”

“Same old thing as always, I’m afraid,” he chuckled. 

“That can’t be true, you love your trips and I’m sure something very exciting happened while you were there. Tell me, please.”

“Very well,” he said with a nod, pausing for a moment before giving her a big smile. “I guess I could tell you about the exciting new business prospects the family’s company might pursue. Let’s see, I was in London and I met the most incredible gentleman who…”

Anne sighed, taking a sip of her tea as she listened to him. At least he brought her to this particular tea place, she thought, reaching for a biscuit. Unlike the other three they had been to, this one was the only one that offered her more scope for the imagination. Roy usually liked the small ones with fancy silverware, servers who spoke only French and the over the top French decoration that, according to Diana, was nothing like a true Parisian tea place.

This one, though, was big enough to accommodate at least fifty people, any fifty people who seemed to enjoy talking as much as she did. There was never a place less quiet than this and it was always filled with the most interesting people every time she spent her afternoon there. As she looked around, Anne found a couple of women sitting together with their children, talking amicably as one of the little girls sitting in between them licked the frosting off the cake in front of her without a care. She could only imagine what Diana’s mother would say if she witnessed such behavior with any of her children.

A couple of tables behind, a man sat by himself, anxiously looking at the entrance every time the bell rang at the door. Anne wondered what he was so worried about. Was he expecting a lady to accompany him and wondered if she hadn’t bothered to come at all? Or was he nervous about how the next few minutes would play out when his companion finally arrived? Maybe he was planning on proposing, Anne thought excitedly. Wouldn’t it be marvelous if she actually witnessed a proposal with her own eyes?

After a few minutes, Anne found herself fully immersed in whatever was going to happen at that table, thinking of more scenarios that might play out. What if he was there for a business meeting, hoping for good news? Or, perhaps, this would be the very first time he’d see a long lost daughter that was suddenly taken away from him until she reached out asking if he was interested in meeting her. The last one seemed unlikely, she realized, but didn’t stop her from looking expectantly at the door whenever someone arrived. 

“... and that’s nonsense, I told him. Do you know what he told me?” Roy chuckled, wiggling his brows. “He said he had never heard of such a thing and walked out looking rather embarrassed, I must say.”

Anne smiled, choosing that moment to take a rather long sip of her tea. She was so focused on what the story of the man in the back might be that she had stopped paying attention to whatever Roy was talking about. He didn’t seem to notice, Anne realized, as he went on about the aftermath of that decision, so she tried to at least pay attention to that.

But then the bell rang once more and she couldn’t help but move her eyes in that direction as two women walked in looking just as nervous to be there as the man who could possibly be waiting for them. 

They looked like proper ladies, reminding her a little of Winifred, the young clerk from Dr. Ward’s practice, appearing so put together as their eyes roamed around the room in search of either a free table or a certain someone. They looked like sisters, Anne thought, despite the different hair color. The shorter one had beautiful brown hair and sad eyes, while the blonde one’s eyes were filled with rage Anne had only seen a few times in some of her friends. But they did share a nice round nose and deep green eyes, and the familiarity of the way the dark haired woman touched the shorter one’s arm in reassurance reminded her a bit of Jane and Prissy after the Mr. Phillips scandal. 

Anne returned her gaze to the man in the back table, who seemed to have lost all the color in his face. As the women walked towards his table, he turned his back, patting his forehead with his handkerchief, trying to clean the sweat on his face. 

“Anne?” Roy called her, touching her hand gently. “Anne, are you alright?”

“What?” she asked, snapping her head back to Roy. “Oh, I’m quite alright, yes.”

“Are you sure? You seem awfully distracted today.”

“Oh.” Anne quickly moved her eyes to the back table, where one of the women cried while the man tried to offer his used handkerchief, before she looked back at Roy. “Um, yes, I just have a lot on my mind, that’s all.”

“You can talk to me, darling pet, you know that.” He reached for her hand once more, squeezing it lightly. “What’s in that pretty little mind of yours?”

There was a faint gasp in the back and Anne bit her lip, trying her best not to look behind Roy to find out what had happened, curiosity bubbling inside of her. She knew he’d be incredibly upset if she admitted she was paying attention to anything else but him. 

“I’m terribly concerned about, uh, Diana. She decided to stay home today and I worry she’s too upset being alone.”

It wasn’t a total lie. Diana had decided to spend her afternoon at the boarding house so she could avoid another unwanted suitor, so there was nothing to be upset about. Thankfully, Roy seemed to believe her story, nodding along.

“Well, we could always bring her a piece of pie to cheer her up, if you’d like.”

Anne smiled, feeling guilty for having ignored him most of the afternoon, especially now that he was being so kind to her bosom friend. “Yes, that’d be very nice.”

He continued to talk once more, something about his week in Paris, and Anne truly tried to pay attention. She always loved listening to Roy’s traveling stories, but her mind wasn’t up for it that afternoon for some reason. Slowly, she moved her eyes away from him once more and searched for the trio in the back table, only to find it empty. They must’ve left when Roy noticed her distractedness and she couldn't help but feel disappointed to have missed the ending of that curious encounter. Now she had no choice but to listen to the tedious story Roy seemed to find so exciting.

That was something that had been happening lately, she noticed. Whenever she and Roy would be out and about on their weekly walk around Charlottetown, it was a struggle to be interested in their conversations. It had started slowly, with her listening to half of what he said and getting easily distracted by a fashionable hat someone passing by was wearing or the new decor of her favorite tea place.

But honestly, how could she not? They embroidered small white and yellow flowers on the tablecloths and the new curtains surely brightened up the place. 

But then, everything else seemed to occupy her mind when she was with him. Was her latest assignment up to perfection? Would Marilla allow her to spend a week in White Sands with her new friend Priscilla Grant? Was she absolutely sure she put Cole’s brush back where it belonged when she tried her hand in painting?

It bothered her to no end, especially because Roy was a great conversationalist. He could go on and on about his adventures in Europe, the many influential people he knew or who were close family friends that Anne would love to meet. She remembered one time they spent the afternoon discussing one of their favorite novels piece by piece as they walked around town aimlessly.

But then it became a boring activity. And it wasn’t even his stories that lost that sparkle, but Roy himself. She noticed that when they were talking about Jane Eyre and she couldn’t wait for it to be four o’clock so she could retreat home.

It really didn’t make much sense why she was finding him boring now. Roy was everything she had always wanted: tall and distinguished looking, with melancholic, inscrutable eyes and a melting sympathetic voice. Her ideal man and everything that Anne had ever wished for. 

He loved her with all of his heart, Anne was sure, and she probably loved him as well. How could she not? How could she possibly find him boring when her heart felt so much around him, her first beau?

Growing up Anne was so sure she would never be on the receiving end of a romantic relationship, and look at her now. Almost two years with such a nice young man, who recited poetry for her whenever they were together, being even bold enough to write a sonnet about her eyebrows and who managed to always say everything right. 

Roy was perfect.

That was what all her friends told her and Anne couldn’t agree more, at first. The first time he called on her on a Saturday afternoon, Ruby and Tillie bursted into her room giggling to bring her down to the parlor. Later that night, all the Avonlea girls had decided to spend the night in her and Diana’s room to hear about the mysterious gentleman who seemed so interested in Anne and she couldn’t help but feel completely happy about it.

Roy shared many of her passions for literature and arts, always asking the right questions, and they seemed to never run out of things to talk about but, lately, she realized it was always about the same thing and he was always agreeing on whatever opinion she had on that subject. 

It was refreshing, she told herself for a while, to finally have someone see her side of things. What a wonderful thing it was when Roy agreed wholeheartedly that life should be just as romantic as any poetry book, she remembered. Or when they both used big and complicated words in a sentence and smiled at each other knowingly. Anne could even say if there was a male version of her, Roy would be the closest to it.

But, sometimes, she missed the challenge. She missed talking to someone with very different opinions than hers, who got her riled up trying to prove her wrong or to make her see something she had missed. And not just someone who would disagree with her, but someone who would believe in what they were saying and present to her a whole new point of view.

Anne knew who that someone was and she tried to shake that thought out of her mind a few times because that wasn’t fair. Gilbert was a family friend and all of that was part of their childhood rivalry and a bit of their young adult life friendship now. Diana had pointed out that it wasn’t like she was missing it with Roy, since she had that with Gilbert, but wasn’t your companion supposed to have a full relationship with you?

Should she look for in another something your partner lacked? How was that in any way right?

Her friends thought she was crazy when she shared her feelings with them. Josie had rolled her eyes and Ruby asked why it mattered if she was in love with Roy. 

But...was she? 

In the first year of their relationship, Anne was sure she was the protagonist of her own novel. Roy was the perfect man who had fallen for the simple poor maid who didn’t have much to offer in looks but plenty in knowledge and their love was the most unusual, but it was real. And when those thoughts started to come into her head, Anne began questioning everything she once was so sure of.

She tried to seek help in Aunt Jo but that did more harm than good.

_“When all is quiet in your mind you’ll find your answer,”_ she had said.

Aunt Jo might as well have said she’ll never find her answer. Anne’s mind was anything but quiet. 

Marilla was the next one she poured her heart out to, telling her about her doubts and how different her relationship with Roy was from the beginning, hoping for something less vague than a quiet mind.

_“Well,” Marilla said after pondering her question for a few seconds. “I gather that the only thing left to do is listen to what your heart is trying to tell your mind.”_

To say that was less helpful than Aunt Jo’s advice was an understatement. How could her heart possibly tell her anything if it was also confused?

The situation kept her awake at night sometimes, trying to understand how her relationship with Roy could mean anything else other than she thought it was love.

Roy was the only person who made her feel things she never had before regarding the opposite sex. When he rescued her in a night storm, Anne was sure she was living her own romantic story right out of a book, with the young handsome gentleman coming to her rescue in a time of need. They had talked for hours until the rain had stopped and he escorted her home that night, kissing her hand goodnight and asking permission to call on her the following weekend. He had swept her off her feet in a matter of a few hours and she had never been more sure that’s what true love felt like.

But then she remembered what Diana had said, about having with Gilbert what was missing in her relationship with Roy.

They both shared many qualities, like their good looks and intelligence, but where Roy had poetry running in his veins, Gilbert was filled with rationality. Roy was ever the sweet talker in every situation while Gilbert, as polite as he was, never failed to be honest and speak his mind when the situation called for it. And they both made her feel completely different as well in every situation she could think of.

With Roy, Anne felt like the person she always wanted to be: collected, poised and who actually belonged in what society thought was right, even with her tendencies to go against the status quo. It made her feel more accepted, even though sometimes that meant being invisible.

Gilbert brought out a whole other side of her, the one she constantly scolded herself for. With him she was still the fiery tempered girl who broke a slate over a boy’s head, who offended the local gossip for simply telling the truth and who had put herself and friends in many unspeakable situations. She knew that was her true self and that would never change, even if she enjoyed the way Roy made her feel like it wasn’t, but Gilbert seemed to always push her to be exactly who she was.

And then there was also the matter of how different they made her feel when she was with them. Roy sometimes felt like a fish out of water in situations regarding her home life. He tried his best, she was sure of it, to be a part of her life that way, even visiting Green Gables a few times to meet Matthew and Marilla, but it was visible how uncomfortable he was with the farm life. There was also the matter of how lost he’d be regarding emotions other than happiness and love, especially when it came to her. 

But Gilbert fit right in. Like her, he grew up on a farm and loved nature as much as she did and was comfortable around it. Marilla and Matthew loved him as if he was their own flesh and blood and, in a way, he was part of her family. But like Roy, emotions confused him, although Gilbert handled it better than him, especially when she was feeling the worst she ever had.

Anne remembered it all too well.

*******

_It had been exactly two weeks since it had happened and Anne was still having trouble believing it was true._

_Every morning, as soon as she opened her eyes, Anne stared at her ceiling for a few minutes, remembering the day she found out and the day she saw him for the very last time. It was almost a ritual at this point, to get her out of bed._

_On the first day, Marilla tried to make her get up but failed miserably. Instead, she joined Anne for a moment, holding her daughter in her arms and crying along with her before going back to the kitchen and starting to get breakfast ready._

_The next day, Diana was the one who woke her up by opening the curtains in her room, letting the brightness shine upon her. She had stayed with Anne for a while, helping her to get ready for the day, but failed to convince her to leave the house. She tried for the next three days as well, but to no avail. Anne wouldn’t take a step away from the threshold._

_She kept herself as busy as possible, cleaning the house, fixing her clothes, assisting Marilla in the kitchen in the mornings and keeping an eye on Matthew’s bedroom, making sure no one moved anything out of place. The worst was when the wives from the neighborhood came bearing condolences, food and sympathy for the Cuthberts._

_Mrs. Lynde baked them bread almost every day for a week. Mrs. Barry brought a stew in a fancy dish to the memorial service. Miss Stacy offered help in anything they needed concerning the farm equipment, if it needed fixing. Mrs. Andrews respectfully said her condolences and left after she completed her social duty. Miss Jeanie stayed silent the whole service, almost as heartbroken as Anne and Marilla, before hugging both of them and leaving._

_Anne hated every minute of it. From Diana’s concerned look towards her to Roy’s late arrival bringing flowers. And as if the memorial wasn’t enough, almost all Avonlea showed up to her doorstep to leave food as if they had lost the ability to feed themselves._

_There were people everywhere since Matthew had died and Anne couldn’t bear it anymore._

_She knew Marilla was tired of all this as well, but social decorum wouldn’t let her show otherwise._

_After a while, people stopped bringing food and showing up to check up on them, clearly having moved on from Matthew’s death. Somehow that made Anne angrier. How could it take days for people to not feel as devastated as she was about Matthew?_

_She knew they didn’t have the same connection to him as she, but everything seemed wrong without him there. When Jerry had returned to the farm to work, two days after the service, Anne had gotten so mad at him she almost left the house to give him a piece of her mind. Even though she could see how sad he was to be back out there without his mentor and friend, she didn’t care. Watching him do all the things Matthew used to do felt wrong and, that day, Anne swore she’d never forgive the boy for picking up that pitchfork in the first place._

_“Anne, did you see the letters in the parlor?” Marilla eyed her from the other side of the kitchen as Anne finished washing the dishes. “There’s quite a few addressed to you.”_

_“Yes, I’ll bring them to my room later.”_

_“Have you answered any of them, yet? Miss Barry keeps writing and a few of your friends from the boarding house have as well.” Anne turned her back to Marilla, pretending she had forgotten something in the sink. “You could take them to the post office, it’s quite a nice day, don’t you think?”_

_“I haven’t read any yet, I’m quite busy.”_

_That wasn’t a complete lie. As much as Anne had made herself as busy as possible the past two weeks, not reading the letters was a choice of hers. She wasn’t interested in hearing news about anyone or read how deeply sorry they were about Matthew’s passing, even though none of them had ever met him. And Anne didn’t have it in her to write back and thank them for their kind words while being polite and maintaining social decorum. She had no energy for any of that._

_“You could take the day off today. There’s not much to do anymore,” Marilla said, almost hopeful._

_“Of course there is. Today I thought of organizing my books and separating the ones I’ve borrowed from Diana’s dad so I can return them when she visits and I’ve noticed that the fireplace needs a deep clean. I know it’s been a while since we actually used it, but I think—”_

_“For heaven’s sake, Anne, there’s no need for you to find things to do. The house hasn't been this clean since it was built. There’s nothing else for you to do around here.”_

_“Yes, there_ is. _Tomorrow I was planning on reorganizing the pantry and that’s a full day's work when done properly.”_

_Marilla took a deep breath and walked over to the girl, eyes sad and tired. “Anne, this isn't healthy. You can’t hide in this house forever. Matthew—”_

_“This has nothing to do with him. And I’m_ fine, _truly, there’s just so many things to do here and I don’t want to leave it all to you.”_

_“Anne—”_

_Before Marilla could say anything else, there was a firm knock on the kitchen’s door. Already knowing who it was, Anne took a seat at the kitchen table as Marilla cleaned her hand and waved for the young man to walk in._

_“Hello,” he said, taking off his hat before he stepped in. His eyes met hers briefly, before looking at Marilla. “Uh, sorry to intrude. I’m here to deliver some food from Mrs. Lacroix. She’s trying some new recipes and this is more than we can eat, so…”_

_Anne knew he was lying and so did Marilla, but neither said anything. It was a kindness from the Blythe-Lacroix family; they were doing the same thing the Cuthberts did when John and Mary died, making sure they were being taken care of._

_Bash had come over a few times to help Jerry with the farm, telling Marilla there wasn’t much to do in the orchard since Elijah had moved in. Hazel had sent food at least once a day for the past week and a half under the most ridiculous pretenses, knowing Marilla wouldn’t accept it if the truth was spoken out loud._

I’m helping with the farm because Matthew is dead. I’m bringing you food because Matthew is dead. I’m lying to you about it because Matthew is dead.

_All she wanted was for things to go back to normal._

_“That’s very kind of her,” Marilla managed to smile at him as she took the dish from him and set it near the oven. “I hope everything is well in your house.”_

_“Yes, thank you.” He smiled and looked at Anne. “How are things?”_

_“Anne was about to take a walk, actually,” Marilla said before Anne had the chance to speak. “Perhaps you could join her, Gilbert. It’ll do good for her to get some fresh air.”_

_It took everything in Anne not to argue with Marilla. She didn’t want to leave her house. The outside world was still too bright and happy for its own good, as if Matthew’s death had no effect on it, and Anne resented it._

_She resented the sun for shining so brightly when Matthew was buried six feet under the ground, unable to feel its warmth on his skin. She resented the flowers, who dared to stay as beautiful as the day he planted them, like the death of their caretaker had no effect on them. She even resented the animals, who seemed not to notice they were no longer under Matthew’s care after all those years._

_The whole world kept on living while Matthew didn’t and Anne didn’t want any part of it around her._

_But as she looked at Marilla, ready to tell her she wouldn’t leave, she noticed how much the elder woman was holding back from Anne. Marilla had stayed strong ever since her brother’s passing and after the funeral, she attended to the farm harder than ever, working her best to make Anne feel less bitter about the world. And she doubted Marilla had taken a moment to let it all sink in, to actually attend to the pain clung in her chest._

_Marilla had all the right in the world to feel as miserable as Anne, but wasn’t doing it because of her._

_“Just for a little while,” Anne said instead, looking at Gilbert. He nodded, opening the kitchen door for her. “Maybe I’ll stop by Diana’s for a bit.”_

_“That’s a fine idea, Anne.” Marilla smiled weakly, patting her on the shoulders before turning her attention back to the food Gilbert brought._

_The sunlight hit her face as soon as she stepped outside, blinding her vision for a moment until her eyes got used to the brightness of the outside world. Where there once had been the urge to smile and tell the world how beautiful it was, now there was only anger towards it._

_She wanted to scream her frustrations away, to ask the sun how dare he to be so bright when her soul was in the depths of despair, or to let her dear Snow Queen know how offended Anne was for letting her beautiful white flowers land on her feet as if it was welcoming her back to a world she wanted nothing to do with._

_The urge to turn around and walk back inside was almost too much, but Marilla needed some time alone and there was no need to upset her remaining parent. She shouldn’t punish Marilla when she seemed to be the only one who shared that same pain as her._

_Gilbert walked alongside her in silence, which she appreciated deeply. Whenever someone tried to keep Anne company, they seemed to have the need to talk her ear off about any mundane thing, perhaps hoping to distract her from her mourning, but all they managed to do was annoy her._

_Even Diana, who couldn’t be kinder to her, started to get on her nerves when she started to babble about how awful her mother was being that particular morning for forbidding her from spending a week at Aunt Josephine’s house. As much as Anne tried not to be rude when she suggested Diana go back to her house, she could see the hurt in her eyes quite clearly. She just didn’t seem to care so much._

_To her surprise, his company was one of the few that didn’t seem to bother her. As present as Gilbert was since Matthew’s death, he respected how she was handling everything and never once tried to tell her how she should handle her mourning._

_She didn’t pay much attention to where she was going until the reflection of the sun hit her eyes, blinding her for a quick second. The Lake of Shining Waters looked just as beautiful as the day she first set her eyes on it and Anne couldn’t help but smile at the sight of it._

_Anne’s eyes roamed along the lake, looking for a place for her to sit. Even though she mentioned she might visit Diana, Anne couldn’t bring herself to walk away from it. She spotted a tree closer to the shoreline, perfect for her to sit and kill the time until it was time to go back and it would protect her from the sun, given how she forgot her hat at home._

_“It’s been so long since I’ve been here,” Gilbert commented as he sat down next to her, resting his back against the tree. “I mean,_ really _been here. To just enjoy the view and gather my thoughts.”_

_“Diana, Ruby and I used to spend a lot of our afternoons here when we first met. The Lake of Shining Waters is a great place to work on your imagination, if you must know.”_

_“Is that what you call the Barry’s pond?”_

_“Such a beautiful place needed a more romantic name,” she explained, looking around. It had been a while since she walked by it and admired its beauty. Growing up meant less time daydreaming around Avonlea, but it didn’t mean she forgot about all the places she loved dearly. “Diana and I even wrote a story about it once.”_

_“Yeah?” She didn’t miss the hint of curiosity in his tone so she nodded. “What was it about?”_

_“The dryads and the nymphs that live around the lake. Their job was to look after nature, making sure every creature and plant was taken care of. But, one day, a lone traveler walked past the lake and fell in love with a nymph.”_

_He chuckled. “That sounds like something you two would write. How does that story end?”_

_“Well, Diana and I couldn’t agree which ending was more appropriate for them,” she said with a shrug, eyes moving back to the lake. “I suggested that they live a tragic love story, since they couldn’t be together because creatures of nature and humans are too different. So the traveler would leave her, heartbroken, and her tears would create the Lake of Shining Waters, as a reminder to never fall in love again.”_

_“What about Diana?”_

_“She thought it was too sad of an ending and instead she said they would run off together and settle in a small house near a beautiful lake so the nymph could do her duties for nature and still be with him.”_

_Her eyes moved back to his face, waiting for his thoughts. They seemed silly now, both versions of two fourteen year old kids who thought they understood love and loss, but it had actually caused an argument between Diana and Anne. She couldn’t even remember when the last time she had sat down to write anything so similar to it was, now that she thought about it._

_“Well,” Gilbert started, drawing her attention back. “Diana’s ending is quite nice and would surely be in the end of a romantic book, if you ask me. But yours is certainly more poetic.”_

_“You mean silly. That’s not what heartbreak is like and it’s quite laughable now to think I thought I knew what that meant.”_

_Anne’s mind went back to all the times she had said she was in the depths of despair in her childhood. How stupid she felt now for associating that feeling with such frivolous things. What was a bad haircut or her monthly flowering time compared to the loss of the very first person who loved her?_

_Anne had known a lot of pain growing up. The feeling of not ever being wanted still lingered in her soul, even if it was hardly shown. The awful memories of her childhood, being tormented by the other girls at the orphanage or beaten up and mistreated by the many families she worked for somehow made her stronger and resilient to the world, especially with her imagination._

_She used to say how things could always be better with a wide imagination and a good book, but she wasn’t sure if that was true anymore. With Matthew’s passing, everything seemed dull and pointless and all she could truly feel, besides anger, was shame._

_Shame for not being the boy the Cuthberts wanted in the first place. Shame for never actually being interested in learning how to run a farm so she could help out Matthew. Shame for creating projects like the story club or participating in the school’s paper, always getting in trouble for speaking too much when she should’ve been more useful around Green Gables._

_How could she feel anything else when she had been so selfish for following her ambitions and dreams and moved out to attend Queens? Matthew was old and he had heart problems; she had noticed how much greyer and slower he had become and yet, she didn’t stay home to take care of him. She got her teacher’s license instead._

_Anne had wanted so many things she had forgotten what she already had: a family who loved her very much. All she had to do in return was stay and take care of them in their time of need. All she had to do was prevent Matthew’s sudden passing and, if she couldn’t, the least she could’ve done was be there with him._

_But she wasn’t. He was all alone when he closed his eyes for the last time. Matthew died without any last hugs or last words exchanged between them. Two weeks of not seeing her dear old Matthew, who changed her world so drastically when he stood up, probably for the first time in his life, to get her back in his care. Two weeks since he had another heart episode and was too weak to leave his bed and had refused to let Marilla send her a letter informing her of his condition, as not to worry her. Two weeks since he told her for the last time he loved her._

_She would never see Matthew again and there was no one to blame but her for it._

_As she looked at the lake in front of her, Anne remembered the first time she had seen it. When Matthew brought her home for the first time, Anne was elated at the prospect of a new life in Avonlea. Everything was so beautiful, like it was a page out of a book and the man sitting next to her seemed to enjoy listening to her talk about it, even though he didn’t have much to say. She was so happy back then._

_“Anne,” Gilbert called to her. They had been sitting there for a while now and Anne didn’t realize how much time had passed by until she noticed the sun getting ready to set. “I think we should go. It’ll be dark soon and Marilla might get worried.”_

_She nodded, but didn’t make any effort to move. She felt Gilbert’s hand on hers, trying to get her attention at first, but then he squeezed it lightly, noticing she wasn’t ready to go back yet. It was such a simple gesture, one that many people had done since the funeral, but unlike then, Anne didn’t feel annoyed by it._

_“I don’t know what to do anymore,” she said slowly. Gilbert stayed silent, waiting for more. “With everything. I don’t feel like I will ever have the will to do anything that I loved now that he’s not here anymore.”_

_“You don’t have to figure it out now. You’re mourning and it’s hard to lose someone that way. You can take as much time as you need.”_

_“What if it never goes away?” She looked at him, eyes filled with tears. “I feel…_ empty. _My mind, my heart… I don’t feel happy when I look at all the things that I love, and my imagination seems to have abandoned me and the only feeling I can count on is…”_

_She bit her lip, shame filling her as she avoided his gaze. It was one thing for her to constantly think about it, but to actually say it out loud? How could she express herself to Gilbert while keeping herself together?_

_“It’s alright,” he reassured her, as if he understood exactly what was going through her mind. “You can tell me, if you’d like.”_

_“I know my parents loved me very much,” she started again, trying to organize her thoughts. “I know I was loved until the day they died but_ Matthew—” _Her voice cracked. “Matthew was the first person to love me after that. He was the first person to show me love and_ I wasn’t even here when he died.”

_“You couldn’t have known when—”_

_“I could have! Marilla’s letters said he wasn’t feeling well and Jerry’s brother had to come and help on the farm as well. The last time I visited, he didn’t look healthy and I_ shouldn’t _have listened to him when he told me was fine, I—”_

_Anne sobbed, hot tears finally leaving her eyes as she covered her face with her hands. She had cried so much before, her heart was broken from the loss of her Matthew, but it never quite hurt this way. She felt guilty for his death and as much as she wanted to go back in time and do everything differently, she couldn’t._

_She knew Matthew’s heart was an issue. She_ knew. _How could she be so selfish and do nothing in return for the man who welcomed her into his home? For the man who fought for her to be his family?_

_“It’s not your fault,” Gilbert said, as if he knew exactly what was going through her mind. “You were the best thing that happened to the Cuthberts, Anne, and they wanted you to have everything you dreamed of.”_

_“I should’ve been here.”_

_“You couldn’t prevent this, Anne. And Matthew— I won’t say I knew what he wanted, but I can imagine it. Watching him die… I don’t think that’s a memory he’d like you to have of him. Let alone your last one.”_

_Anne knew he wasn’t wrong, but that didn’t make her feel better._

_“I couldn’t even say goodbye.”_

_“I know.”_

_When he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer, Anne buried her face in his chest, sobbing soundly. It was an impulse and Anne didn’t miss the way his body quickly tensed at her sudden proximity, but just as fast as it had happened, he held her tighter, running his hands over her back as she poured her feelings out._

_“I’m...” she murmured against his chest. As much as she never had a problem finding the words to her every thought, this time none seemed to be right. Matthew was gone and it hurt so much more than words could say. Being able to say it out loud, though, was harder than she imagined it would be._ “...heartbroken. _And I can’t help but feel like this pain won’t ever go away.”_

_Gilbert took a deep breath, stroking her back slowly as she continued to cry in his arms. Anne could tell he was wondering if he should say something or not, but at this point she didn’t care. Nothing he said would make her feel better or worse._

_“It won’t ever go away,” he started, offering her his handkerchief. “When you lose someone you love dearly, the feeling of losing a piece of you won’t fade away. But it will hurt less with time.”_

_“Is that how you felt with your father?”_

_He nodded. “I tried to stay when he died, I truly did. But the pain I felt whenever I saw his stuff around the house or looked at the graveyard on our farm was unbearable. So I left, to run away from all that pain.”_

_“I can’t run away from this. I can’t leave Marilla or the farm behind and I don’t think I want to.”_

_“It didn’t work, Anne.” He looked at her, brows raised. The look in his eyes was the same one that she saw at his father’s funeral, all that pain and sadness still there. “I thought it would, but it still hurt as much as it did when I was here. Time only made it more bearable and with Bash, Mary and Delphine around, I managed to be happy again. But that doesn’t mean the part of me that was gone along with him got filled up. It’s still missing him.”_

_“It feels wrong to be in a world without him,” she sniffed._

_“I know.” He smiled sadly at her. “Moving on is hard and painful, and you don’t have to do it right away. It took me a year to be able to come back home, after all.”_

_She considered it for a second. Now that she thought about it, everyone she knew who had suffered a loss had moved on at their own pace. Bash was only able to get back to his old self after months of grieving. Gilbert had been away from his home for a year and Matthew never truly recovered after his brother’s death._

_Anne couldn’t blame the world for moving on from Matthew’s death so quickly, but it also shouldn’t even expect her to do it yet. She would love him for the rest of her life and would let time heal her heart as best as it could, but it wouldn’t happen right away._

_Right now she was still feeling the pain of her loss and that was just fine._

_“I’m not ready to go home yet.” She looked up at him, eyes still full of tears. “Do you mind if we stay a little longer?”_

_“No,” he answered, kissing her hair as she buried her face in his chest once more. “I don’t mind at all.”_

_The sky was dark when they decided to walk back home. Anne was feeling a little better after letting out her emotions so openly for once and she found herself surprised by the weight that had left her shoulders after opening up about her feelings._

_It also helped that Gilbert was there. She had cried and cried until her eyes dried out, and even so, she didn’t leave Gilbert’s embrace, not even when she realized how improper that contact probably was. But feeling his body pressed against hers was nice in a way she hadn’t experienced before and Anne didn’t have it in her to move away from him just yet._

_But then the sun had gone down and the wind started getting colder around them and she knew they should head home before Marilla began to worry. They got up then and started to head back to Green Gables, a silent agreement to not speak of what had happened at the Lake at all between them, fully aware of the consequences._

_“It’s Shepherd's pie,” Gilbert said, suddenly, as if he was just remembering something._

_Anne looked up, confused at this statement. “What?”_

_“The dish I baked for you and Marilla. It’s Shepherd's pie.”_

_“I thought you said Mrs. Lacroix was the one trying new recipes and made more than enough.”_

_Gilbert blushed, realizing what he had said. “Well, uh, that’s what I meant.”_

_Anne smiled to herself. That was the dish she, Diana and Ruby had made him when his dad passed. It was sweet enough that he not only remembered, but tried to return the same kindness now that her own father was dead._

_“Is it safe to eat?” Anne teased. “I remember Bash complaining about your cooking abilities.”_

_“I can’t promise it’ll be better than the one you and the girls made for me, but I can promise you it won’t have any liniment in it.”_

_“Will I ever live that down?”_

_“Probably not.” He shrugged. “I never lived down the carrots incident. Seems only fair.”_

_“You shouldn’t have troubled yourself for us. None of you. We appreciate it, truly, but we don’t want to impose any more than we already have.”_

_“Did you think we were imposing after Mary died?” Gilbert asked, not waiting for an answer. “Anne, after all your family has done for us, and I don’t mean just with Mary, but_ everything, _of course we’re going to be here for you. We just want to make sure you and Marilla will be alright.”_

_“You don’t have to,” Anne said softly._

_“But we want to.” He smiled down at her. “We’re family, remember?”_

_They walked past the entrance of the farm and Anne wasn’t surprised to see him still following beside her, towards the doorstep. Thirteen year old Anne would roll her eyes at the gesture, so sure he was only going out of his way just to show off to Marilla how much of a gentleman he was._

_But now it felt different. She wasn’t sure what kind of difference, but it wasn’t the same feeling when Cole walked her home to the boarding house or even when Roy did it. She wasn’t as annoyed as before but she wasn’t quite sure how she felt either._

_“The lights are still on, so I don’t think she sent a search party after me after all,” Anne commented as they stopped in front of the porch. Gilbert chuckled, turning to her._

_“Well, I should go,” he said, looking down to his boots. “Send my regards to Marilla and… and to Roy.”_

_Anne blinked rapidly at the sudden mention of him. “He’s not here anymore.”_

_That seemed to surprise Gilbert._

_“I thought he was staying for the summer.”_

_Anne crossed her arms. “Well, yes, but after the funeral he started talking to Marilla about selling the farm to a friend of his who would give us good money to live comfortably in the city.” Gilbert frowned and Anne rolled her eyes. “Apparently, he had talked to Matthew_ once _about this and Roy was certain he thought it was a good idea.”_

_“I don’t see Marilla or Matthew ever wanting to live in the city, to be honest with you. Or leave Green Gables.”_

“Exactly! _I thought it was a suggestion but he started to throw around names and plans for what to do with the farm to make it more sellable and, well, I told him he should go.”_

_“Oh.” He frowned. “That was very…”_

_“Insensitive? Rude? Ungracious? Disrespectful? I could name a few more adjectives, but Marilla might hear and think I’m offending you instead.”_

_“Wouldn’t be the first time.” He chuckled. “But, Anne, I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I guess he was just trying to help.”_

_“He was making plans to sell Green Gables, Gilbert. My_ home. _Matthew’s…” She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. It would do no good for her or Marilla if she started crying again, and Anne was exhausted from that day; all she wanted to do was have supper and sleep. Thinking about her possible financial problems could easily wait until tomorrow._

_“I know. It wasn't good timing and you don’t have to do that, obviously. We can always figure out how to make the farm survive, but there’ll be a time for that,” he reassured her._

_It was a mystery how Gilbert could remain so calm and rational under difficult circumstances such as this one. She had thought about this a million times, reassuring herself and Marilla they’d be alright and all they had to do was form a plan to keep the farm like they did many years ago. However, as much as she was trying to stay positive on that matter, she was also so scared of the worst case scenario._

_But hearing Gilbert also say it, believing they’d be alright and knowing he would be there to help like he’d done these past two weeks, Anne couldn’t help but feel slightly more confident about the issue._

_Anne heard the kitchen door open and soon enough Marilla joined them, looking less pained than a few hours before._

_“I thought I heard you two. How was your walk?”_

_“Very insightful, I’d say.” Gilbert smiled at the woman, glancing quickly at Anne. “Didn’t think there were that many stories about dryads and nymphs that live around the Lake of Shining Waters.”_

_Marilla rolled her eyes but the smile never left her face. “Oh, not you too with this nonsense. I’d hope you’d be putting more practical notions in this one’s head, not the other way around.”_

_“I think we know by now that it’s easier for Anne to change our minds than the opposite.”_

_Anne rolled her eyes. “Yes, well, I’d appreciate it if you two didn’t talk about me as if I’m not around.”_

_“Would you like to stay for supper, Gilbert?”_

_“I wouldn’t want to impose, Miss Cuthbert. Plus, I promised Delphine I’d be the one to put her to bed today and it’s almost her bedtime, so I should go.”_

_Anne nodded. “Send my love to everyone. And thank you, again, Gilbert, for the food.”_

_“I hope you enjoy it.” He looked at her, a little uncertain. “And, uh, tomorrow Bash and I are taking Delphine to the beach for the afternoon. We’d love for you to join us, if you want.”_

_Anne hesitated for a moment. Gilbert was trying to take her out of the house just like today, to help her without pushing her too far. It was an offer, not an order, and she knew he’d understand if she said no. He was giving her the choice._

_But, for the first time she felt tempted to say yes. She was still mad at the world around her and was definitely not ready to return to her old routine, but perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad to start taking small steps._

_“Thank you, Gilbert, but I think I’m going to spend the day at Diana’s tomorrow. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her.”_

_“Why, Anne, that seems like a good idea.” It was hard not to roll her eyes at Marilla’s surprised tone, but she smiled instead._

_Anne didn’t miss the flash of disappointment at her refusal in Gilbert’s eyes, but he managed to cover up fast, nodding at them. A part of Anne wanted to explain to him that she was still not ready to spend a day full of laughter and joy while her heart was still so sad, especially in a place where she had such a strong memory with Matthew. But the way he looked at her, Anne felt like she didn’t need to. He understood._

_“That’s alright. Well, I better go.” He tipped his hat and smiled at them. “Have a good night, ladies.”_

_“He’s a fine young man,” Marilla commented after a moment as she watched Gilbert walk away. Her eyes were set on Anne for a few seconds before turning around and walking back to the house. Anne stayed there a few more seconds, looking at her friend disappear among the trees._

_“Yes,” she mumbled with a soft smile on her lips. “I gather he is.”_


	2. this night tastes like gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “As excited as I am to go to Redmond,” Anne started slowly. “I don’t think I’d rather be anywhere else in the world but here.”
> 
> “How would you know? You’ve never been anywhere.” Gilbert teased, moving his eyes to her. 
> 
> “Well, you have. Name one place you’d rather be than here right now.”
> 
> He didn’t say anything for a minute and Anne finally looked at him. His gaze was fixed on hers as a soft smile crept on his face. 
> 
> “You’re right,” he agreed, not taking his eyes off of her. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello once again!
> 
> I'm sorry this chapter took a while, but here we are with more Anne pining over Gilbert, how fun is that?  
> A huge thanks for my beautiful, smart betas, Sabrina and Giulia, who always make sure this is readable for you guys.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this!

And it's two a.m. and I'm cursin' your name

You're so in love you act insane

* * *

Anne smiled to herself at that memory as she set down the teacup and gave a quick glance back at Roy. Marilla had always had a soft spot when it came to Gilbert, but at that moment, Anne had understood why. He was a nice person not because people expected him to be or he wanted to show off in front of someone, but just because that’s who he was. It had taken a long time for Anne to realize that but she was glad that she finally had. 

Gilbert’s kindness wasn’t the only thing Anne had come to notice with time. That summer, Gilbert had made an effort to drag Anne outside as much as he could, alongside Diana. If she hadn’t known any better, she would’ve thought that they had an agreement for either one of them to be at her house and ask her assistance in something very dull, such as picking flowers for Minnie May’s pretend wedding. 

A wedding she hadn’t even been invited to, mind you.

Most of the times Gilbert showed up at Green Gables had been to invite Anne to do something with him and Delphine. At first she had still been reluctant to agree, but once he began appearing at her door with the baby in his arms, Anne hadn’t been able to find it in her heart to say no.

Marilla had been very pleased to see that development in Anne, just as much as she had been pleased to see her house kept in the way she liked it, and random comments about Gilbert had started to make an appearance around the house.

“Gilbert surely grew into such a gentleman,” Marilla had said one day after he offered them a ride to church in their buggy the following Sunday. “It won’t be long until someone catches his eyes and he starts offering to drive her and her folks to church as well.”

The thought hadn’t sat well with Anne for some reason. Whenever she thought of Gilbert and the future, she couldn’t see a wife next to him, probably because she wasn’t sure what his ideal match would be. But as soon as Marilla had mentioned the possibility, a wave of sadness had hit her out of nowhere.

A married Gilbert meant no more family Christmas dinners with the Cuthberts and the Blythe-Lacroix family, for he would surely be wanting to spend the holidays with his new family and, perhaps, with his wife’s. And Marilla and Anne would have no business being there at such an intimate celebration, so they’d probably go back to having Christmas dinner on their own.

The thought had made her so mad, Anne had declined every single invitation he extended to her for a week out of spite. It had been silly behavior, she knew, especially considering he was not married yet or even courting someone and probably wouldn’t be for quite a while, but it still had felt right to do so.

Pushing away the memory, Anne looked back at her suitor and tried to pay attention to whatever he was saying once more, but the words that left his mouth barely registered in her head. As much as she enjoyed Roy’s company, nothing ever felt like that day with Gilbert. He had been so insistent she sell the farm and had hurt her feelings excruciatingly. Even though that was now water under the bridge, Anne couldn’t help but think of that situation again.

After that day, when Anne had finally decided to write a letter to him explaining how deeply hurt she was from his actions and why she had asked him to leave in such a rude way — Marilla was mortified, to say the least, when she learned about Anne’s actions — she had expected Roy to write the most beautiful apology and tell her that of course he understood why she reacted the way she did.

Instead, she had received a two page letter from Roy explaining why he had suggested it in the first place, along with another list of names and what to fix on the farm in case selling was ever needed. Anne had decided she wasn’t even going to answer that letter, choosing to toss it in the fire without a second thought. 

With Gilbert, things were so much different. He seemed to have a better grasp of that situation than Roy ever did during their courtship. It wasn’t a fair comparison, she knew. Gilbert had known Marilla and Matthew his whole life and Anne since she was thirteen, while Roy had only met her guardians a couple of times. She now understood he only had her best interests at heart, but it bothered her that he thought that was what she wanted and went for it without even asking.

 _Gilbert always asked,_ she thought. _Even about the things he already knew the answer to._

Anne blinked, slightly frowning. What did Gilbert have to do with any of it?

When Roy reached across the table to hold her hand, Anne almost jumped, surprised at the affection. That was something Roy liked to do, to touch her hand and sometimes recite a poem stuck in his mind that made him think of her, but it never failed to startle her whenever he touched her all of a sudden.

“Are you alright, Anne?” he asked, frowning. “You’ve been acting unlike yourself today. Is it still Diana?”

“I’m sorry, dear, I just have a lot of things on my mind today.” Anne sighed, wishing she could tell him what was really troubling her. “It’s not only Diana, I’m, uh, also very worried about my tests in the next few days. I still have a lot to study and I’m nervous, that’s all.”

“Well, you know you don’t have to be. You’re easily one of the best students at Queens.”

“That may be so, but they’re still important to me. I need to do my best on them so I have a shot at the Medal or the Avery scholarship.” Anne sighed, looking down at her now cold tea. “I shouldn’t dream too hard of it. I’m sure the Avery award won’t be mine.”

“Of course it’ll be yours. And if it’s not, you must let me help pay for you.”

Anne tensed, shooting him a stern look. “I will not and I wish you would stop offering.” 

“It’s no trouble at all, Anne, you know that. My family can pay for me and you for as many years as we’d like.” He squeezed her hand. “You need only ask.”

“If asking is the only requirement, I’m glad, because that won’t happen.” She pulled her hand back. “Now, let’s finish out tea, shall we?”

He nodded quickly, starting a conversation about the latest Tennyson poem he had read that past week. With that topic, Anne could easily follow and not dwell in her thoughts as much, which she was glad about.

When they left the tea shop, Roy suggested they take a stroll around town, which Anne gladly accepted. That’s how things mostly worked with Roy: whenever they were on the verge of an argument or a fight, he always seemed to turn his charm back on and divert the situation to something lighter.

Not that that happened very often — it was a rare occasion when Anne got cross with Roy and an even rarer one when Roy would. Her friends were actually impressed with it, considering Anne’s fiery temper, but that’s how things worked between them. 

Holding her parasol in one hand and the other secured under Roy’s arm, Anne couldn’t help but notice the many looks sent their way by the townspeople. It wasn’t as bad as Avonlea, she admitted, with people not even having the decency to pretend they weren’t staring at them and whispering. But it still bothered her that even after almost two years, this was still a common occurrence.

Roy told her they made quite the handsome couple and that’s why people looked. He didn’t seem to mind a bit, quite liking having all the attention on him. It was easier to ignore all of it and concentrate on her companion until every major entrepreneur stopped them to talk to Roy about some kind of business his family had with them.

They never paid too much attention to her, with the conviction a young lady would not only not care, but should not care about her beau’s business. Of course, as a principle, Anne made sure to always share her opinion on whatever matter they discussed next to her.

“Mr. Gardner! What a pleasure to find you on such a lovely day as this,” Mr. Johnson, the banker, said as he walked towards them, already offering his hand, which Roy eagerly accepted. “And Miss Shirley, lovely as always.”

“Hello Mr. Johnson.” Anne smiled at the man. The banker was one of the few people associated with Roy and his family she actually liked. He was always nice to her and didn’t seem bothered by her questions. “How’s business going?”

“Oh, tiresome as always. Handling money is not an easy job,” he sighed, patting his forehead with his handkerchief. “Which reminds me, Mr. Gardner. You should probably schedule a meeting soon, regarding the latest shipment problem.”

“What problem?” Roy frowned, tensing up.

“Oh, you haven’t heard? Goodness me.” The man took a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to Roy. “This, of course, is privileged information and I ask you to treat it as such, but since your family is one of our oldest clients, I don’t see any harm sharing this news with you.”

“Thank you, Mr. Johnson, I appreciate it.” He shook hands with the elder man. Mr. Johnson smiled and tipped his hat to Anne before walking away to wherever he was before. 

“What’s the matter?” Anne asked, noticing Roy’s concerned look.

“According to this, some of our exports are stuck on a ship which might not arrive in time.” He sighed, looking around. “I need to find a paper.”

“Oh, there’s a paper boy over there. Let me get it for you.”

Anne watched as Roy looked for the information he so desperately needed. It was always interesting to watch him whenever his business was an issue. It was like watching a whole other person than the one she was so familiar with.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Apparently the ship took a different route and it’ll arrive, at worst, a couple days after it was scheduled to. Not to mention now it’s at risk for pirate’s sackings.” He sighed, frowning. 

“I thought that didn’t happen here.”

“It doesn’t, on the normal route, but who knows about this one? What were they thinking,changing it without informing the investors?”

“I know what might cheer you up,” Anne said, looking expectantly at him. Roy looked so troubled, she thought of a form to make him feel better.

“And what is that?”

“Why did it take the pirate so long to learn the alphabet?” Anne asked, biting her lip. 

“Hm?” He moved his eyes away from the paper, meeting her expectant gaze. “Oh, I don’t know.”

“Because he spent years at _‘C’._ ” Anne giggled, pleased with herself. Roy smiled politely at her, before looking back at his paper. “Did you understand the joke?”

“Yes, yes, it was quite clever, darling pet,” Roy said, still focused on his paper. “I’m just concerned about the ships being so delayed. If the products stay too long at sea, most of it will be ruined and no one will pay for it.”

“I hardly think that a day or two is going to make much of a difference,” Anne commented, reading the paper in Roy’s hand. “As for pirates, you have insurance, so it won’t be all lost, right?”

“Maybe so, but that’s still not good for business.” Roy sighed, folding the paper and looking around. “Did you see where Mr. Johnson went? I should schedule that meeting immediately, just to be safe.”

“I think he went over there.” Anne pointed to the building behind him.

“You don’t mind waiting out here, do you, darling pet?” Roy asked, with an almost apologetic look on his face. “I think he might be more comfortable talking about business without you there.”

Anne nodded, offering him a forced smile before he turned around and went after the banker, leaving her alone. This wasn’t the first time that had happened, Roy leaving her alone to talk about business with someone. It was what she got for courting someone as important as Roy, but Anne still didn’t care for it.

Business driven Roy was such a different person than the one she took interest in in the first place. He was less kind and it bothered her how much he lacked a sense of humor, even though that one was more of a trait of his personality. Sometimes Roy was too serious for her liking.

That day wasn’t the first time he had dismissed her humor. She remembered the time she had told him a funny story about her and the girls and he had barely offered her a smile before changing the subject to a book he was reading.

As much as Anne loved talking about books, there was nothing wrong with sharing a good laugh. Perhaps the joke she had told him today wasn’t very well timed, but Roy clearly hadn’t seen the point of it at all, which was such a shame because that joke was one of her best ones.

At least that’s what Gilbert had told her after the chummy laugh they had had together, she recalled, before everything had gone terribly wrong.

*******

_Like most ideas Anne had, this one had come on a whim. In her defense, she had tried to fight it off, knowing it would probably backfire and she’d be in so much trouble with Marilla._

_And yet, there she was, in front of the Blythe-Lacroix house at two in the morning trying to figure out a way to wake up Gilbert without anyone else noticing she was even there._

_The only problem — well, not only, but her current one — was that she couldn’t remember where Gilbert’s room was. Standing in front of his house, squinting her eyes trying to find it wasn’t working out so well for her._

_She knew he was on the second floor, third room to the right, but at the moment Anne wasn’t sure where that was and it was probably not a good idea to throw pebbles at a random window now that more than two people habited the place._

Elijah is on the ground floor in Gilbert’s dad’s old room, _she remembered, moving slowly around the house._ Mrs. Lacroix is two doors down next to the staircase. Bash and Delphine had to move upstairs and Delphine’s room is between Bash’s and Gilbert’s.

_She looked up, facing the three windows on the back of the house. It was so much easier when Delly was a baby and slept in the same room as her father and Gilbert lived alone upstairs. Not that she took advantage of that information back then, but now it would probably make her night so much easier._

_Anne pondered for a few more seconds what to do next. She looked between the windows, trying to find any distinction in them that would tell which one he was behind but, without a lantern, the memory of where the staircase faced, or even the moonlight, all that was left was for her to simply pick one._

_Five pebbles later, Anne noticed some sort of movement in the room and, with a sigh of relief, watched as Gilbert opened the window to find out where the noise had come from._

_He looked adorably confused, Anne noticed, holding back a smile as he squinted in her direction._

_“Anne?” Gilbert frowned, leaning on his window. “What—”_

_“Be quiet,” Anne said, trying to keep her voice at a steady volume so as to not wake up any other resident of the house. “Just... get dressed and come down here.”_

_“But—”_

“Hurry!” 

_Anne smiled to herself, resting her back against the tree as she waited for Gilbert. If Marilla knew where she was and what she was doing, she’d certainly be in a lot of trouble. As much as Marilla liked Gilbert, Anne being alone with him in the middle of Avonlea at night screamed impropriety and she would disapprove._

_She wondered if she should feel the same about it as Marilla. If any other boy, even Roy, asked her to do such a thing, Anne wouldn’t even consider going downstairs. Her reputation would be the one suffering if anyone was to find out about her outing._

_It took about five minutes, but soon enough Gilbert was fully dressed, holding a lantern and walking towards her. Besides the concerned expression on his face, Anne couldn’t help but notice how adorable he looked with his dark curls rumpled and his sleepy eyes._

_“What’s going on?” he asked, keeping his voice low. “Is something wrong at Green Gables?”_

_“Everything’s fine. I’m here to invite you on an adventure with me.”_

_Gilbert looked at her for a long second, as if his brain was processing what she had just said._

_“Anne, it’s the middle of the night,” he said slowly, as if she hadn’t realized it already. “What kind of adventure could you possibly have?”_

_“That’s for me to know and you to find out.”_

_Without waiting for an answer, Anne turned around and grabbed the basket she had hidden behind the closest tree and started to walk away from him._

“Anne.”

_“Are you coming or not?” She kept looking straight ahead, smiling as she heard footsteps behind her._

_“You’re not making this easy on me, Anne,” Gilbert groaned and Anne just giggled, looking back at him._

_“When have I ever made anything easy for you, Gilbert?”_

_Anne had never been at the beach when it was dark, for obvious reasons, and that was never a problem for her. Even at the age of eighteen, Anne still had her reservations about certain parts of the Island, especially the Haunted Woods. She never actually thought about the beach that way, though, until Jerry told her a story about a ghost that roamed the secluded beach at night. And as much as she knew he made it up to scare her, Anne couldn’t help being curious._

_That, however, was not the reason why she dragged Gilbert there in the middle of the night, she explained as they settled in front of the small campfire she had set up a few days prior._

_“Well, I did plan it beforehand,” she said with a shrug when he looked at her questionably._

_“But waited for it to be two am to ask me to join you?”_

“Priorities, _Gilbert.”_

_After he secured the fire and helped Anne put the blanket down on the sand for them to sit, Gilbert wandered close to the cliff behind them and returned with half a bottle of moonshine in his hands._

_“My, my, Gilbert Blythe,” Anne said after he explained he needed something to actually wake him up. “What would Marilla say if she saw you now?”_

_Within an hour, the bottle was empty and Anne was in the same state she was two years ago after her Queens entrance tests were over. The bottle had lasted half an hour, at best, taking a while before setting in, making it possible for Anne to watch a sleepy Gilbert turn into a blushing mess under her eyes. His hat was long forgotten and one of the straps of his suspenders was down his arms._

_It wasn’t hard to convince him to do much after that._

_They danced around the fire for a while, Anne trying to recreate one of the rituals she had done with the girls, but with Gilbert stubbornly saying_ man _whenever Anne recited_ woman. _In the end, it didn’t matter what was said; there was so much laughter that anyone else watching them wouldn’t comprehend anyway._

_“Do you think Moody will get mad when he realizes his moonshine is gone?” Anne asked, not taking her eyes off the sky. They were laying down next to each other, bodies facing opposite ways but faces still next to one another. He had been the first one to lay on the ground and Anne joined him after a while, claiming she needed to stay still until the world stopped spinning around her._

_Her eyes were perfectly lined up with his chin, which she secretly found one of his best features. Not that she’d tell him that, though. Anne was not_ that _drunk._

_“Nah, it’s not like he comes here a lot now that he’s on his way to becoming a minister,” he answered, eyes fixed on the sky. “Plus, he spends too much of his time with Ruby to even come here.”_

_“Are you jealous, Mr. Blythe?” Anne teased, earning an eye roll from him. “Is Moody not giving you enough attention?”_

_“I did_ not _say that,” he mumbled, making Anne laugh. “But he does spend all his time with her!”_

_“So what? You spend all your time with me!” At that, he turned to her. Her hair was no longer in a braid, instead spread out on the blanket, some of it touching Gilbert’s neck, but either he didn’t notice or didn’t care. His eyes slowly moved from her hair to her face, raising a brow when her eyes met his._

_Sometimes Gilbert turned into someone hard to read, Anne had learned after years of friendship. She was amazed how a second could make all the difference when it came to the dark haired man next to her and Anne found it intriguing. What made him become so unreadable? What was behind those hazel eyes Anne dared said she knew so much?_

_“What?” Anne finally asked, blinking slowly. “I know it’s different than Moody with Ruby, you spending time with me, but it’s the same principle. You trade your best friend for your other friend and he traded you for his intended.”_

_“Still.” His voice was a little steadier than before as he offered her a weak smile. His eyes moved back to the sky, as if searching for something. “Do you know the stories about the constellations?”_

_Anne sighed loudly, as if he had asked her the most dreaded question there ever was._

_“A few but I never saw any of them. Miss Stacy promised to show me on her telescope but I never followed through with it.”_

_“Sometimes you don’t even need them, you know?” he told her, pointing to a random set of stars. “You normally can see Orion quite easily most nights, but some are trickier.”_

_Anne squinted her eyes to where Gilbert was pointing, trying to see whatever he was looking, but to no avail. He must’ve noticed her searching for it because he moved closer to her, shoulders brushing the top of her head as he moved her chin slightly to the right._

_“Do you see that bright star right there?” He pointed towards the sky, looking at Anne as she nodded. “That’s Sirius, the brightest star in the sky. If you look to your left, you’ll see three stars lined together. That’s Orion’s belt. Lying on his side, it’s Orion. It’s supposed to be shaped like a hunter.”_

_He moved his finger, as if he was connecting the dots of the constellation she was supposed to be seeing, but besides Sirius and Orion’s belt, she couldn’t find any form in the stars above._

_But even so, she asked what else was out there and listened to him tell her about all the different constellations there were, their stories and where they were. Anne couldn’t see any of them, mostly because the stars started to dance in front of her eyes when she looked at them for too long. But Anne liked listening to Gilbert’s voice so close to her ear._

_It was easy to get lost on it, if she was being honest. As he told her the story behind the Big and Small Dipper, Anne looked at him, admiring how invested he was about it all. Even after all these years, Gilbert was still the smartest person she knew and she admired how much he enjoyed passing his knowledge on to everyone else. She could see that not only now, but whenever he tried to explain what the latest medical journal said or when he was with Delphine, teaching her about the flowers and the animals at the farm._

_She enjoyed it even more given how storytelling wasn’t his forte. Gilbert was a practical, logical man and anyone would tell her that that meant there was no place for scope for imagination, but she knew better. Gilbert tried his hardest to succeed in the things he did, even small ones. So what if Gilbert’s attempt to tell Delphine the latest adventure of the Snow Queen wasn’t anywhere near her version of it? Delphine seemed satisfied with it and that was what mattered._

_It was endearing then just as it was now when he was telling Anne how the sailors used the star Polaris to navigate the ocean for so long._

_“...probably why pirates still rely on it more than the actual maps. At least that’s what they told me on the ship.” He chuckled, turning his head to look at her. She didn’t miss the flash of surprise to find her eyes already on him._

_Now that he was facing her, Anne realized how close their faces were. Besides her girl friends, the only other person she had been this close to was Roy and even so it had happened only a couple of times. She had known Gilbert for a long time now and he was one of her closest friends, but that kind of proximity was still wrong._

_Except, it felt anything but wrong. Gilbert had the talent of making anyone comfortable in any given situation, especially when he wasn’t even trying to. Being so close to him almost felt natural and it would probably be if it wasn’t for Anne’s mind constantly reminding her it shouldn’t be that way._

_There was nothing in his eyes to indicate that he thought their proximity was a wanton behaviour on her part. It was quite the opposite, she realized. He didn’t look bothered; instead Gilbert seemed as focused on her face as she was on his._

_She wondered what he was thinking about. His eyes looked as intense as they had when he was talking about the stars, but there was something more to it. There always had been, whenever he looked at her for a significant amount of time. For a time, Anne was sure that was how a person would look at their lover, but Roy never looked at her that way. Not with the same intensity Gilbert’s platonic eyes did._

_His eyes weren’t the only thing about Gilbert that Anne wondered about. She wondered a lot about his dark curls, how soft they were and how they seemed to always look so good on Gilbert no matter what. His just-woke-up look was solid proof of that. His brows were a mystery for Anne as well. How could someone speak so loudly with the slightest lift of their eyebrows? Anne and Bash teased him about it a lot, guessing what it meant in any given situation even when it didn’t mean anything at all, and was just for the fun of it. Gilbert would just roll his eyes at them with a smile on his face._

_She moved her eyes down his face, stopping at the next thing that intrigued her— his mouth. When they were kids, Anne and the girls decided to study each other’s lips, wondering what made them so special in order to deliver the perfect kiss. Now that she was older, sometimes Anne caught herself studying Gilbert’s as well. She didn’t have a reason why, not really, it was just one of the things that she caught herself doing it one day._

_It was very pleasurable visually, there was no denying it. She liked how pink they were too and wondered if they would be as plush as they looked. There were times where she wondered how they would feel as well. Perhaps not against her own, she had a beau after all, but in general._

_Anne knew from experience that kissing wasn’t what she imagined and it wasn’t listed as her favorite activity to do. But what was the harm to wonder if Gilbert’s lips pressed against her own would ever come close to the reality she knew?_

Perhaps the fact that he’s your friend and you are courting someone else, _she answered almost immediately, guilt filling her body. She was with Roy and those thoughts were beyond inappropriate, even in her state of mind._

_“Hey Gil...” she whispered, moving her eyes away from his mouth to his eyes. “Do you know why the pirate didn’t know the whole alphabet?”_

_Gilbert’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion at the sudden change of subject._

_“Because he was stuck at ‘C’,” she said, eyes wide, looking at him and waiting for a response. It didn’t take long for both of them to explode into giggles._

_“I think that is one of your best ones so far,” he told her in between laughs. They kept going back and forth, sharing jokes and laughing until they ran out of them._

_They dozed off for a while, the sound of waves and the dying light of the fire lulling them to sleep. When she woke up, Anne turned to Gilbert, smiling fondly as she watched him sound asleep, his mouth hanging open and eyelids slightly moving as if he was dreaming. Anne was considerably less drunk now, she was perfectly aware of that, but she allowed herself to stare at him for a little while longer, telling herself it was the moonshine to blame for such impropriety on her part._

_She had sneaked out in the middle of the night, brought a boy along with her to a secluded beach, drank most of the alcohol he had provided and slept next to him. Anne was used to pushing boundaries, but this wasn’t something she had tried before. Her reputation and her reputation alone would be ruined if anyone had the faintest idea of what had happened tonight. What would they say about her?_

_Anne felt her cheeks warm up with the thought of it and moved her eyes away from him, standing up. It was still dark and the fire was starting to die down, so she decided to look around for dry leaves or sticks to keep the fire up._

_When Gilbert finally woke up, the fire was higher than before, flames dancing across the logs as its light reflected on his face. It took him a second to realize where he was and with whom he was with, sighing as he pulled himself up to a sitting position._

_“We’re still here.”_

_Anne raised a brown, smiling at him. “Were you expecting me to carry you home?”_

_“I was hoping I would wake back in my bed, actually.” He chuckled, glancing at her hands. “What are you doing?”_

_“Thinking… Oh, you mean this.” Anne smiled, showing him the flower crown she had been working on for the last few minutes. “I got these when I went looking for something to keep the fire up and, well, you were sleeping so I had to find something to do.”_

_“Of course you did. Wouldn’t be an adventure if you didn’t occupy every second of your time with some sort of activity.”_

_“Well, what do you think?” she asked, ignoring his previous statement. He smiled, his eyes looking at her flower crown sitting on top of her head before moving to her face and lingering there for a moment._

_“Beautiful,” Gilbert answered softly and her heart skipped a beat with his choice of words. “You look beautiful.”_

_“I meant the flower crown, not me.”_

_“It looks lovely, as always. Are you going to make one for me as well?”_

_“You want one?”_

_“Of course.” Gilbert sent her a puzzled look as if she had just asked the stupidest question he’d ever heard. “I can’t be the only one not wearing flowers. I’d look silly.”_

_Once she was done with it, Anne knelt in front of him and gently placed the crown on the top of his head, her fingers lingering longer than necessary on his curls. When her eyes met his, Anne moved her fingers slowly down his face and watched as his eyes gazed to her parted lips._

You could find out what they feel like, _Anne thought for a moment._ You just have to lean in.

_It would be easy to do it, to let her curiosity get the best of her. But, differently from the many times she had succumbed to it, Anne leaned back from him, feeling embarrassed for even thinking about it._

What was in that moonshine?

_“So,” he said, clearing his throat. “What were you thinking, you know, before?”_

_“What?”_

_“The, uh, thinking. Before you realized I was talking about the flower crown, you said you were thinking…”_

_“Oh, right.” Anne said slowly, turning around to face the sea. “It’s just… Don’t you just love the sea?”_

_The last time she had been this near to the water, she and Cole were searching for seashells so he could add to one of his projects about the Island. It was one of the few times Cole had returned to Avonlea and spending her day at the beach with one of her favorite people in the world had been a blast, even if they hadn’t gone in the water once._

_With Gilbert the situation wasn’t much different. But they were alone at night, with no watchful eyes to follow their every move and scold them for lack of propriety. Would there be a better time for her to do it than right now?_

_Without further thought, Anne stood up and started to unlace her boots, taking them off and securing them behind the basket she had brought along with her._

_“What are you doing?”_

_“I am going in the water,” she answered, biting her lip as his eyes flashed with surprise._

“This is insane, Anne!” _Gilbert told her, arms crossed, flower crown sitting flawlessly on top of his head. Anne didn’t pay much attention to him; she was too focused trying to remove her stockings without exposing too much of her legs in front of Gilbert. “We should head home. We’ve been gone for far too long.”_

_She didn’t miss how bright red his cheeks were once he realized what she was trying to do._

_“Don’t be too practical, Gilbert,” she said back, not bothering to shoot a glance at the young man behind her as she finished taking off her stockings and putting them next to her basket. It amused her to no end to see him looking so bashful over this._

_“If someone sees you—”_

_“Who on Earth would be at the beach at this ungodly hour?” Anne finally looked back, raising her brows._

“Us!”

_“And no one else! That’s precisely my point.”_

_Anne returned her attention to the waves in front of her, taking a deep breath and enjoying the creeping of dawn upon her. She loved that time of the day, when nature started to get ready to wake up, waiting so eagerly for the sun to shine upon them. And the silence. Anne herself couldn’t stay quiet for long, but she enjoyed the moments of silence before the world woke up. It gave her a chance to think about all the possibilities ahead of her._

_She was no longer a child and the knowledge that everyday life was upon her, but that didn’t bother Anne anymore. Everyday life could be quite exciting if shared with good company, like this moment right now. It was a morning just like any other, Anne was aware of that, but it didn’t feel like it in her heart._

_How could the day dare to be called anything but extraordinary when shared with a friend?_

_“If Marilla wakes up and realizes you’re not in your bed…” He stopped a few feet behind her, away from the water._

_“I’ll tell her I woke up a little earlier than usual and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I decided to take a walk before breakfast.”_

_“With a basket full of food?”_

_“If you’re going to point out every flaw you see, you better head back to your house and pretend you don’t know where I am.”_

_“Ah,” he laughed, “but where’s the fun in that?”_

_“Are you going to join me?”_

_“I think I’m good. You go ahead.”_

_The cool water met her feet, bringing a smile to Anne’s face at the feeling as she wiggled her toes experimentally. It was hard not to go further into the sea, but she fought the urge to do so. It was one thing explaining to Marilla why she wasn’t at home when she woke up but it would be a whole other thing if she showed up soaked for no good reason._

_As she watched the waves crash against one another, the sun slowly made its appearance, shades of pink and orange filling the sky and reflecting golden on the sea in front of her. She heard a motion behind her, but before Anne had a chance to turn around, she felt Gilbert’s hands slip into hers, squeezing it lightly as he stood next to her, barefoot in the sea._

_“Why did you want to come here today?” he asked after a while. Anne realized she indeed hadn’t given him a reason for sneaking out of his house while still dark. And yet he had agreed to join her. “I know you said adventure but… Why me?”_

_“I guess I wanted to say goodbye.” Anne didn’t take her eyes off of the horizon, watching the sun slowly rise into the sky. “To Avonlea, I mean. We won’t be here as much come fall but it’s still home.”_

_Gilbert nodded, looking at her. “I get that. When I was working at the Primrose, I often thought about how I just left it all behind. Not that I regret it,” he quickly added. “But I wished I had said goodbye as well. To my dad, my farm and the people.”_

_“I must say everyone was surprised when you left without a word. Marilla was beyond concerned for your safety.”_

_Gilbert smiled and looked at her. “What about you?”_

_“What about me?”_

_“Were you concerned for my safety?” Anne rolled her eyes, blushing slightly._ Yes, _she wanted to say, but Anne would never give him the satisfaction of knowing that. Even though back then she still had her rivalry with Gilbert going on, Anne had prayed for an entire month for his safety. “You did ask me to come home someday.”_

 _“I was being_ polite. _Some of us are familiar with the concept.” Gilbert offered a teasing smile as she bumped their arms together. “And of course I wasn’t. You are a grown man, you can take care of yourself.” Anne raised a brow. “Why? Was there anything to be concerned about?”_

_“Not at all. As you said, I could take care of myself.”_

_They stood in silence for a moment, taking in the morning upon them. His hand was firm and warm against hers and Anne could feel how hard her heart was beating against her chest from that simple act. It was such an intimate gesture and Gilbert had done it without a second thought— Anne wondered what that meant for him. She actually wondered what that meant for her too, because this was all too confusing and she was in no condition to ponder it._

_Instead, she focused on the sight in front of her. Anne was sure not even her imagination could create something as beautiful as what it was in front of her eyes just now._

_“As excited as I am to go to Redmond,” Anne started slowly. “I don’t think I’d rather be anywhere else in the world but here.”_

_“How would you know? You’ve never been anywhere.” Gilbert teased, moving his eyes to her._

_“Well,_ you _have. Name one place you’d rather be than here right now.”_

_He didn’t say anything for a minute and Anne finally looked at him. His gaze was fixed on hers as a soft smile crept on his face._

_“You’re right,” he agreed, not taking his eyes off of her. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”_

_Not longer after the sunrise, Gilbert managed to convince Anne that it was time to head back home. She was starting to become sleepy and she realized how hard it would be to go through the day without raising suspicions from Marilla or dozing off in the barn the first chance she got._

_“How are you feeling?” Gilbert asked, looking down at her as they walked back to Green Gables. “I ask because you look like you’re about to collapse from exhaustion.”_

_“I’ll be fine once I get some of Marilla’s food in me. It was worth it, thought. Who knows when we’re going to get to spend time together again or even at all?”_

_Gilbert slowed down his pace, frowning. “What do you mean?”_

_“Well, we’re going our different ways. I thought it would be nice to have one last adventure, just the two of us.”_

_“So… This was a goodbye?”_

_“Well, I hope not but, who knows?” she said softly, shrugging. “You’re about to go to a big fancy city to become a famous doctor and you probably won’t ever come back after that. I wanted to make sure I got to spend time with you one last time before you left Avonlea.”_

_His expression changed from confused to hurt so fast that Anne wondered if she had missed a phrase or two exchanged between them to make him look like that. Anne waited for him to say something, to let her know what had caused this sudden change, when he let out a weak laugh._

_“How can you still think so little of me after all this time?” His voice was low and contained, as if he was holding himself back from screaming at her._

_“I don’t—”_

_“You wake me at two in the morning to come to the beach and spend the night with you because you were so sure I was going to… What? Leave everything behind, my_ family _behind, to pursue my career?”_

 _“You_ are _leaving to pursue your career!” she argued. “You’re going away and I wouldn’t blame you if you decided to never come back.”_

_“I have a farm, a family, friends! I have—” He stopped abruptly, eyes burning with such intensity as he looked right through her, waiting for her to figure out what he was about to say. “So this is a goodbye to our friendship? That’s it?”_

_“What? No! I never said that.”_

_“Oh, but you did! You said you wanted to make sure we spent time together_ for one last time. _Is my leaving the end of it all? Of_ us?”

 _A part of her was sure that when he said_ us _like that, there was a hidden meaning behind it, but she couldn’t focus long enough to think about it._

_“I don’t want it to be, but we should be realistic, don’t you think?” She frowned, defensive. “What can Avolea offer you, really? You’ve always wanted to leave, to become more than a country doctor, and we’re holding you back from that! Now that you have Toronto…”_

_“Well, if you don’t know what this place can offer me, I guess you never truly knew me at all,” he cut her off, gritting his teeth. “You know, Anne, for someone as smart as you, you can really be dense when you put your mind to it.”_

“Excuse me?” 

_“Why do you always think the worst of me, Anne?” he asked, eyes becoming sharp, not caring anymore about the volume of his voice. “I call you Carrots and you don’t speak to me for three years despite my constantly apologizing to you. I try to help you, to talk to you, to be there for you when you needed it… And still, I was always a… a villain in your story!”_

_She let out a bitter laugh at that. “None of that was ever required of you. I could always fight my battles without your assistance. And I will_ not _apologize for being hurt with that horrid name you called me before you even bothered to be decent to me.”_

 _“It wasn’t meant to be offensive! And, again, I apologized to you for years. But you had it in your head I was this bad person and even now that we are_ friends, _this person you created in your head is still there,” Gilbert argued hotly, running his fingers through his hair. “You apparently believe I am so selfish I would leave everything I love behind without a second thought.”_

 _“That’s_ not true!”

_“You made up this whole...adventure, as you called, a goodbye. You never asked about my plans during or after Toronto. You just assumed that was the path I’d take and you accepted it so easily…”_

_“Because you always wanted to leave! You went on that ship and didn’t come back for a year and you only did because of this, your dream!” she yelled back, feeling her eyes fill with tears of frustration. Gilbert was misunderstanding what she was saying and she wasn’t doing a better job at explaining to him. “Now that you have it, you can finally go.”_

_As soon as the words left her lips, Anne regretted it. The way he looked at her, Anne couldn’t bear it. It had been so long since they had been in a fight and even so it was nothing like this. Gilbert wasn’t mad at her, he was hurt and for a good reason, but how could she make things better if that was what she truly believed?_

_It wasn’t as if she thought Gilbert was intentionally leaving everything behind because he thought he was better than any of them, but that was just a natural thought when she imagined his future. Gilbert was so much more than the small Avonlea and he could offer so much to the world, but for him to be able to do that, he had to be somewhere else._

_Toronto would offer a glimpse of a whole new life and who would turn that life away if they had a chance? Gilbert would succeed in medical school, just like he did with everything else, and soon enough would become one of the most renowned doctors in the whole Province. He’d open a practice in town and work hard to not only treat people but make sure they wouldn’t suffer the way his dad and Mary did during their last days. It wouldn’t be long before he took a wife and settled down with his new family and Avonlea would only be a memory._

_Why should Anne hold on to something that would eventually leave her in the end?_

_“Yes,” he said after a while, voice pained. “I can go now.”_

_Without waiting for an answer, he turned around, flower crown still sitting proudly on his head, and continued to walk, leaving her behind, heartbroken._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, before you murder me or anything for a) not letting them kiss or b) this fight in the end, let me tell you something:
> 
> Taylor's song said fighting so I wrote fighting, so if there's someone to blame that's her and not me, okay?
> 
> I did enjoy writing the drunk scene and making Anne flirty while drunk. As you all know, this isn't the first time Anne got drunk and I imagine this is also not the second time or third. And no one is underage here, this happens two years after s3 is done, so Anne is 18 and Gilbert is 20 here. Just thought to let you know because, well, you know.
> 
> So what did you think of this chapter? Was Anne fair for making such assumptions? Did Gilbert overreacted with Anne or he was right to be mad at her? Which almost kisses did you like the best?
> 
> Let me know and thank you for reading!


	3. and now we're just a box of souvenirs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diana says the obvious and Anne needs more time

_d_

_He can't see the smile I'm fakin'_

_And my heart's not breakin'_

_'Cause I'm not feelin' anything at all_

* * *

Anne sighed at the memory, closing her eyes for a second. It had taken a month for her to gather the courage to try and patch things up with him and, even so, it had taken even longer for things to go back to what they used to be.

She hadn’t realized how hurt he’d be at the thought of them never being together again, even if she had considered the idea a few times. It wasn’t like she wouldn’t care — she would, _deeply_ — but it seemed like an inevitable ending for the both of them.

“Ah, there you are!” She heard Roy’s voice behind her. Anne shook her head quickly, trying to dismiss the memory from a few months back before turning her attention to Roy.

“How did it go?” Anne asked as he offered his arm once more. “Did you get to schedule a meeting with Mr. Johnson?”

“Yes, thankfully. He told me that one day's delay won’t make much difference as to how the products will be affected and I rather agree with him, but we still need to talk some more.”

Anne frowned. “That’s what I told you right before you went looking for him.”

“Well, yes, but it was a guess. Mr. Johnson _knows_ about these kinds of things.” He offered her a smile. “I can’t take money or business advice from a lady, now, can I?”

“Well, what’s wrong with _that?”_ Anne asked, raising her brows. Sure, she didn’t know much about exports or business’ finances, but she had managed to come to the same conclusion as a banker, hadn’t she?

Noticing his poor word choice, Roy quickly put a hand on top of hers, looking apologetic. “I’m sorry, darling pet, you’re right. I should’ve listened to you. My apologies.”

And two seconds later, Roy was once again immersed in his own world, babbling about something that had happened with his family recently. This time, Anne didn’t even try to listen to whatever he was saying; she was too upset about Roy’s behaviour just now. Yes, he had apologized, but nothing in his expression showed that he really meant it, instead just wanting the discussion to be over with.

That was something she had started to notice in the last few weeks, when she had realized they had never even had a fight. Roy made sure it never got to that point and, while some part of her felt extremely touched that he didn’t want to quarrel with her, she also wondered why that was.

After one of her many disastrous outings with a suitor of her parent’s choice, Diana told her about his marital philosophies, as he liked to call them. One of them was to never quarrel with one’s intended, because that gave her the impression her thoughts and opinions were meant to be heard and that simply wouldn’t do. 

Anne remembered feeling ever so lucky to be courting someone who wouldn’t dare try to deprive her of her own thoughts, but after pondering her relationship with Roy, she started to wonder if that was ever true.

Anne was an opinionated person; that was probably her most striking feature. Her fiery temper came from it as did her passion for following her desires and wishes. And why wouldn’t she be? She had a brain of her own and could think pretty well on her feet, so why shouldn’t she be heard just like a man was?

She knew plenty of them who couldn’t form a thought to save their lives that were better heard than plenty of women whose brains were something to be proud of.

As she walked arm in arm with the man beside her, Anne wondered how many times he had shut down her voice with words of love and reassurances of how right she was without even listening to what she had to say.

“...and, of course, the people. But we shouldn’t worry about that until after the wedding. I’m sure Mother will understand.”

At that, she turned to him.

“I’m sorry, what wedding?”

“Well, ours, of course.” Anne stopped walking and stared at an unfazed Roy. “My sister wrote me that she’s been planning it for a while now and, of course, she needs to discuss some details with you before—”

“We’re not getting married, Roy.”

“Oh, darling, don’t you worry. Of course we are. We’ve been courting for almost two years and marriage is clearly the next step. I’m only waiting for graduation to come, really.”

Anne scoffed, pulling her arm away from his embrace. “When were you planning on telling me about this wedding?”

Roy smiled, as if he was just understanding why she was so upset. “Of course I plan to _ask,_ darling pet, don’t you fret. You’ll have your desired bridal moment. I’m just simply waiting for Mother to come visit so she can give me the ring.”

“But we’ve never discussed marriage before,” Anne said. Even though her friends had always teased her about Roy proposing to her since they had started courting, she never took them seriously. She had been very clear that her education came first and she’d only marry after that part of her life was complete.

However, that didn’t mean she hadn’t ever considered what it would be like to say yes if Roy ever proposed. Surely her wedding would be grandiose, probably at his mother’s house, per her request and dislike of the farming environment, where her richest friends would be attending and judging Anne mercilessly.

Anne could picture the event piece by piece. How uncomfortable Marilla would be around all those people, not fitting in in the slightless. Rachel Lynde’s sharp eyes taking the entire thing in so she could report to the entire community how elegant Anne’s wedding was and who knew the poor orphan girl would be able to marry rich? Her friends would be giggling the entire time, eyes sparkling at being a part of that moment and, perhaps, the Lacroix family would have an excuse not to attend the affair, leaving four empty chairs in the front row next to Gilbert. She could just hear Roy’s mother ask her, outraged, _what would people think?_ At the mere mention of inviting her dear friends, who were just as important to her as her family.

The more she thought about it, the more it seemed like someone else’s wedding and not her own. Diamond sunbursts and marble halls all sounded nice, but would they be worth it when everything else around her felt so wrong?

“What is there to discuss? Every woman's biggest dream is their wedding day.”

And that’s when it finally hit her. 

Roy was a good person and was once a great friend of hers. She was enamoured with his good looks, and his love of poetry was almost as strong as Anne’s. He always knew exactly what to say and he did his best to be the perfect gentleman at all times.

Even though her feelings differed from what all her books, and even her friends, described, Anne was convinced that she was deeply in love with Roy. He was everything she had ever wished for and that was enough, wasn’t it?

But now she saw things clearly. Being perfectly fine with someone wasn’t what love was about. Roy never treated her poorly and was always kind to her, but Anne could see how she deserved more than what he was offering. More than someone who didn’t truly respect her right to have a voice. Anne deserved someone who would not only love her but would also disagree with her at times, who wouldn’t control how she was supposed to feel and would listen to what she had to say and challenge her when needed. Someone who would make her feel so much she wouldn’t know exactly how to handle those feelings.

Roy would be the perfect husband to someone, but that someone wasn’t Anne.

“I can’t marry you,” she said, looking him straight in the eye. 

“Of course you can, Anne. It’s expected.”

“That’s it?” Anne asked, not sure if she had been hoping to hear something different, but there was something unsettling about that being his only reason. “That’s the only thing you have to say?”

Roy finally looked at her, really looked, and something shifted in his expression. “You don’t mean it, right?”

“Yes, I do. I can’t marry you, Roy. It’s not right.”

“What do you mean it’s not right? Anne, we’re… we’re—”

“We’re not right for each other. I just… I’m not in love with you.”

There was a silence between them, as he digested Anne’s words. He didn’t seem heartbroken that she didn’t love him, but rather upset that she was rejecting him.

“Was this your plan all along?” he asked, taking a step toward her. “To live out one of your books and break someone’s heart for the sole purpose of living your own tragic love story”?

“Of course not,” Anne answered, almost offended. “If I knew before how I truly felt about you, I would never have prolonged this courtship.”

He nodded, looking wounded at her words. Part of her wanted to reassure Roy she still cared about him and wanted his friendship, but that probably wasn’t what he wanted to hear. 

“I’m sorry, Roy,” she said instead. “You deserve someone who loves you and wants the same things you do, but that person is not me.”

“I should go.” He avoided her eyes, pushing his hands deep into his pockets. “Would you still like me to walk you to your boardhouse?”

“I’ll be fine, thank you.” Roy nodded once more, before turning around and walking rapidly in the opposite direction of her way home. Anne watched him for a while, waiting to feel as bad as he was probably feeling, or for a sudden realization to hit her and make her see the mistake she had just made, but none of that happened.

As awful as it was, Anne felt like a weight had lifted off her shoulders, as if her body knew ahead of her mind and her heart how necessary leaving Roy was. When she arrived home, Anne was glad none of the girls had arrived back from their walks yet, not ready to share with them what had happened on her outing. As much as she loved her friends, Anne wasn’t up for answering question after question about it, let alone listening to Josie pointing out she would never find someone as good as Roy Gardner.

So she went straight to her bedroom, wishing to be alone for a while so she could gather her thoughts. But as soon as she opened the door, she remembered Diana had decided to spend the day at the boarding house, claiming she wasn’t feeling well to avoid one of the suitors her parents had arranged for her.

“Oh, you’re back early,” Diana said, noticing Anne’s presence. The dark haired girl was sitting at her desk, folding a letter. “How was your walk with Roy?”

Anne sighed, walking to her bed while removing the pins holding her hat. She truly didn’t want to do this right now. Her eyes met Diana’s and that was enough for her to understand things weren’t right.

“What’s wrong?”

“Roy and I are no longer together,” Anne answered. “I just ended it, after we left the tea shop.”

“Oh,” Diana put her letter down before sitting next to Anne. “Did something happen? Did he… try anything?”

“No, Roy would never,” Anne quickly assured her, taking a deep breath. “I just realized we weren’t right for each other. We never were.”

Diana frowned. “I don’t understand. You’ve been together for almost two years. I thought you loved each other.”

“I thought so too; he was exactly what we talked about when we were younger…” Anne bit her lip, looking down at her hands. “I did like him. I’m not sure if it was ever love, but I think things changed with time and I realized we weren’t a match after all.”

“I’m sorry.” Diana squeezed her hands, offering her a sad smile. “I know how hard this must be for you. He was the first boy you ever had an interest in and to have things not work out like that…”

“But that’s the thing.” Anne paused, trying to find the words without sounding insane. “It wasn’t hard. Roy and I are so alike that it became a problem. There was no passion and we weren’t a match. I thought he was _perfect_ , but not for me.”

“I don’t understand. If he was perfect and you two were alike… I don’t see how that can be a problem.”

Anne raised her brows, giving her friend a pointed look. “Well, aren’t you rejecting every single man your parents try to set you up with? Because they’re too similar to your lifestyle.”

“Well, you can’t blame me for that,” Diana argued, crossing her arms. “One of them said he wouldn’t _allow_ me to play my piano once we were married, since he didn’t care much for music. How could I say yes to that?”

Anne rolled her eyes, smiling at Diana. She remembered quite well that particular suitor, who didn’t last much longer.

“Well, the problem with Roy was something like that. He’s expecting me to be someone I’m not, a _wife_ above all and a society lady to fit into _his_ life, and not a partner like I wanted us to be.” She sighed, resting her back against the headboard. “Did you know we never actually have a fight? In two years?”

“That’s… bad?”

“He agreed with me about everything. We liked the same books, the same authors, the same subjects and had the same opinion on everything. I could tell him the sky was a deep shade of lilac and he’d wholeheartedly agree if it made me happy. Everything was nice and easy and I was… bored.”

“Would you rather he was the exact opposite of you?” Diana asked. “Because I think Billy would be your perfect match if that’s the case.”

Anne snorted. Diana was teasing her with the worst possible match she could think of and if it were anyone else, she’d probably be offended.

“No, complete opposites are also a mistake. Can you imagine me and Billy having a full conversation, ever?”

Diana laughed. “Between your big words and his inability of putting a thought together, I doubt it.”

“Exactly. I think I know now that the ideal someone would be a person who’s compatible with you but not so similar to you that it’s boring. Someone who will respect your opinions but who won’t be afraid to disagree with them, or share their own.” Anne groaned, closing her eyes for a moment.

For so long she had leaned on what books told her love felt like or how she and her beau must look like to have that love, but reality wasn’t the same. Roy was the embodiment of her perfect man and yet Anne felt nothing more than affection towards him. Realizing what she truly wanted didn’t make things any less hard.

“Someone who challenges you and gets on your nerves from time to time.” She finished, opening her eyes again. “One of the things I kept wishing for was an argument between me and Roy. My ending our courtship was probably the closest thing we had and it felt great.”

Diana nodded slowly, looking at her. “Let me see if I understand what you’re saying, Anne. Your ideal partner would be someone just as smart and opinionated as you, but who’s not afraid to share their thoughts with you. Someone who is kind, and his own person, and yet is still your perfect match.”

“Exactly. A person who has an adventurous heart like mine and wants to be my equal and follow his dreams while wanting me to follow mine as well.”

Diana smiled softly at her.

“Anne, you do realize you’re describing Gilbert, right?”

She could feel her face growing warmer as Diana’s smile grew wider at her reaction.

 _“Gilbert?”_ she squeaked, pushing away the memory of them on the beach and how much she had wanted to kiss him. “I—Well, uh, how—”

“Great argument. I don’t think you could’ve been more eloquent if you tried,” Diana teased, clearly enjoying how flustered Anne was. “You just described your relationship with Gilbert. He’s kind and just as smart as you. Plus, you can talk about the same subject for _hours_ , arguing about who's right and who’s wrong and he never diminishes you or your opinion for the sake of his own.”

“Well, yes, but—”

“And let’s not forget the fact that he couldn’t have been more supportive of your career path. Remember how excited he was when you mentioned you might even try to write a book in the future?”

“Gilbert and I are just friends,” she said flatly. Somehow that statement was less convincing out loud than in her mind.

“Oh, yes, your _friendship._ Remember how your friend Gilbert was jealous when you and Roy started going out? Or how you were when your good old pal was courting Winifred a couple years ago?”

“Well, _actually—”_

“What was that thing you said… something about him negotiating an attractive piece of land?” Anne groaned, frustrated. “You barely talked to him after that and the poor boy didn’t even know why.”

“There was a rumor of him proposing to her for the Sorbonne! If he was in love with Winnie and wanted to marry her because of it, I wouldn’t have a problem with that, but using her for his education is horrible.”

“That rumor was unfounded and untrue. My father asked and he had no idea what he was talking about. And you’d know that if you had bothered to do the same and _ask._ ” Anne didn’t say anything. Deep down, she knew Diana was right, but it would take more than that to make her admit it out loud. “And don’t think I haven’t noticed you have yet to deny having feelings for him.”

Anne avoided looking at Diana for a moment. Today wasn’t the first time Gilbert had wandered in her mind in a way Roy should’ve. For some time, she had told herself that it wasn’t a big deal. Gilbert was a close friend who had been there for her in so many moments, both good and bad, and it was normal to think of her friends.

But Jerry and Cole were also there for her on so many occasions. She loved them deeply and they had as much of an impact on her life as Gilbert did, but they didn’t cross her mind half as much as Gilbert.

Maybe that was why. Gilbert wasn’t just a friend, like she had told herself and others so many times. The boy who had called her Carrots the first day they met, who brought her apples to ask forgiveness for hurting her feelings. Her intellectual rival during school years and forbidden fruit for such a long time while he was taken by Ruby and her dibs. And finally, her friend who she had learned to trust and open herself up to in so many different ways than she did with everyone else.

Loving Gilbert Blythe wasn’t sudden. It had happened gradually over the years, with every fight, every laugh, every look they shared. All the teasing she suffered from Cole and Diana about it was based on the truth that everyone but her saw. She loved his smile, his chin, his kindness, his intelligence and how much he cared for others. She loved his heart above all else. Realizing it at that moment made her think of all the times her heart had tried so hard to tell her mind what it had known all along.

But no more.

“That’s because I do,” Anne said quietly. “I do love him.”

Diana’s smile couldn’t be bigger.

“You mean it? You truly mean it?” Diana asked, clasping her hands together. It was clear she couldn’t believe Anne had finally admitted her feelings. “Oh, _Anne…”_

“How could I not know before?”

“You have a blind spot when it comes to Gilbert. You believed in what you wanted to believe.” She shrugged. “It’s always been like that.”

“This is… beyond inconvenient. What am I supposed to do with those feelings now?”

“Well, for starters, you can _tell_ him,” Diana suggested.

“I certainly can _not._ Don’t you understand how ridiculous the situation is? I just ended a two year relationship with a boy I _thought_ I was in love with and now that I know it’s not the case, I’m not going to knock on someone else’s door and try that instead.”

“Anne...”

“Besides,” she continued. “What if he doesn’t feel the same way? I don’t want to ruin a friendship over unrequited feelings I might have.”

“Anne, _please_ listen to me now. Cole and I didn’t tease you about it just for _fun_. It’s as clear as water that you love him and he loves you. It’s no secret he had a crush on you when we were growing up, and that never changed.”

“Even if you are right and he does have feelings for me… What if I’m wrong about mine?” She sighed. Impulsivity was one of her biggest characteristics, much to Marilla’s dismay, but she couldn’t risk doing something she might regret in the future without giving it the consideration it deserved. “This is all happening so fast already. I just ended things with Roy and even if I loved Gilbert for so long, I just now realized it… I need some time to organize my thoughts.”

Diana nodded in understanding. “I guess that makes sense. You can take as much time as you need, it’s not like Gilbert is in town right now anyways.”

“What do you mean?” Anne frowned. She didn’t remember him saying he would be travelling anywhere, especially this close to their finals, unless it was an emergency. “Did something happen with him? Or with Bash, Delly, Mrs. Lacroix…”

“Oh no, nothing like that. Mother's latest letter mentioned she and Father wouldn’t visit this week because of some export problems and that he needed to discuss it with Gilbert and Bash.” She walked back to her desk, picking up a letter and handing it to Anne. “It’s more at the end, the first half of the letter is about me meeting a young gentleman from Nova Scotia, whose father has a very high position on the board of a bank.” Anne rolled her eyes at that. Diana’s mother was many things, but a quitter wasn’t one of them. “He’ll probably be gone for a couple of days.”

Two days were nowhere near enough time for her to think thoroughly about her feelings and what she should do. And as much as she didn’t have to have that conversation with him right away, it would be hard to pretend everything was fine once they crossed paths either at Queens or at their study date every Wednesday afternoon.

She just hoped that, for once, her heart could speed up the process for her sake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-da! And with this shorter chapter, we say goodbye to Royal Gardner! Happy now?
> 
> I hope with this chapter you lot noticed how Anne just realized she doesn't feel that way about Roy. Being someone who never loved anyone romantically and having Roy being exactly what she thought was her perfect ideal, she fell in love with the concept rather than with the person. So many of us do the exact same and make mistakes so I hope you don't judge her too harshly.
> 
> Let's all also raise a statue to our queen Diana who, once more, put shirbert in the right path! That girl must be exhausted for being responsible for true love to actually happen, but now things are completely on Anne's hand and two days fly by pretty fast, huh?
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this chapter and I hope you guys liked it. Next chapter is the last one and I am very excited for you guys to see it. Please let me know what you thought of this, I absolutely love reading your comments.
> 
> Also, a huge thanks to the queens of my heart: Sabrina and Giulia. You two are the best betas ever and I absolutely love your comments on my doc file.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	4. no one else in the world can come close to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two days turns into two weeks and Anne is _worried_.

_Never knew I could feel that much_

_and that's the way I loved you_

* * *

In the end, two days turned into two weeks with no sight of Gilbert. For the first few days, she had done her best to avoid crossing paths with him, taking shortcuts and steering clear of places she knew for sure Gilbert would be, but it turned out there was no need for it. He was nowhere to be seen and, as much as it was a relief for obvious reasons, it started to worry her.

It wasn’t like him to disappear like that. After three days without any of her friends having seen him, Anne actually went after Gilbert to know what was wrong. She wasn’t sure why— she still wasn’t ready to talk to him about her feelings— and deliberately looking for Gilbert meant putting herself in a situation she didn’t want to be in.

After approaching one of his housemates, Anne learned he too hadn’t seen Gilbert since the previous week when Gilbert informed him he'd be away for the weekend to take care of business. It was exactly what was written in Diana’s mom letter, but almost a week had passed by and there was still no sign of him.

“Well, I’m sure there was something wrong with the export and Father needed him more than Mother let on,” Diana commented one night when Anne expressed her concern. “If something had happened, someone would’ve sent a letter by now, don’t you think?”

Another week went by and there was no letter and no sight of Gilbert. Marilla had sent some letters updating her on the farm situation, but didn’t say a word about him or anything regarding any terrible event that could’ve happened delaying his return, so Anne gathered Diana was probably right. There wasn’t much time to dwell on it as well, once most of her time was consumed by her upcoming finals and her many hours at the library.

A few days later, Ruby informed her Gilbert was back at Queens, telling her that Moody saw him walking towards Dr. Ward’s office the prior afternoon.

“That’s probably why you haven’t seen him around. He’s just busy with both his studies and helping out Dr. Ward,” Diana said, smiling at her.

“Maybe,” Anne said as they walked home that Thursday afternoon. “Has your mother said anything about the export business?”

“That’s hardly something she’d write about, especially to me. But you could always ask Gilbert himself now that you know where he’s spending his afternoons at.” Diana carefully looked at the redhead for a few seconds, waiting for her to say something. When that didn’t happen, she continued. “And, perhaps, talk about something else while you’re there.”

_ “Diana!” _

“You had two entire weeks to think about your feelings. You surely know more than you did back then.”

Anne sighed. Diana wasn’t wrong. The past two weeks had been the time she needed to gather her thoughts about her feelings and make a decision as to whether or not she’d tell Gilbert about them.

The problem was that Anne wasn’t sure he’d want to hear that. She knew he had plans to move to Toronto come next year to go to medical school and she’d be in Nova Scotia getting her bachelor degree. If Gilbert felt the same way about her, like Diana had said, would it be fair to either one of them to pursue a courtship, being so distant?

Besides, that would be a problem  _ if _ he felt the same way. The concept seemed a bit lost in Anne’s mind. What could Gilbert possibly like about her? Her pale skin that couldn’t be under the sun for too long without getting a sunburn? Her dreadful red hair that unfortunately hadn’t become auburn as she hoped it would? The only thing she could possibly imagine as attractive about herself was her wits, but even so, what were the chances of someone falling in love with her twice over it?

“Tomorrow I promised Cole I’d be visiting to help him with a project.  _ If _ we finish in time, I can go over to Dr. Ward’s and meet with Gilbert.”

“So does that mean…” Diana asked, hopefully. 

“Yes,” Anne answered, taking a deep breath. “Hopefully things will turn out alright after all.”

That Friday had started great, it truly did. Diana had insisted Anne put on some of her best clothes, a light green skirt embroidered with white flowers all over it and a white blouse. Marilla had made it for her last time she visited and Anne couldn’t feel prettier if she tried. Diana also made sure Anne’s hair was done up to perfection, receiving many compliments from her friends.

“This day is going to be something out of the pages of a book,” Diana promised.

Well. That was not how things worked in Anne’s life.

The once beautiful day she had woken up to was now beginning to turn gray and cloudy, announcing the rain that was probably a few hours away from them. She managed to make it to Aunt Jo’s house without any problems ,and after spending the rest of the day helping Cole with his project, she thought that the lack of actual rain meant her luck was turning around. That is, until she managed to ruin her skirt with Cole’s yellow paint just before she left for Dr. Ward’s practice.

Cole had lent her something to wear and Anne considered going home to change before making her way to see Gilbert, but, to her dismay, the rain couldn’t hold off any longer. Not having much else to do and considering how close she was to her final destination, Anne ran towards Dr. Ward’s practice, managing to get only slightly wet.

Not that this made her situation any better. At least her luck couldn’t get any worse.

“Oh my,” Anne heard a familiar voice say, making her slowly turn in their direction, wishing she was mistaking that voice for someone —  _ anyone  _ else. The woman looked even more beautiful than Anne remembered; blonde hair in the most elegant up-do she’d ever seen and a kind smile that made anyone feel at ease in her presence. “Anne with an ‘E’, you sure know how to make an entrance.”

Of course Winnie would be there when she looked like this, Anne thought as she took in the woman’s presence in front of her.

“So many years of practice, I’m afraid.” Anne managed to say, returning Winifred’s smile. “I wasn’t aware you were back from Paris.”

“Oh, I just returned a few days ago. Dr. Ward asked me to fill in this week for his clerk while she’s taking care of some family business in White Sands. It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too. Paris suits you,” she pointed out, admiring the blonde woman's beautiful lavender dress. It had been nearly two years since she had met Winnie and her admiration for the young lady had only grown as she got to know more about her than beauty and fashionable clothes. However, Anne couldn’t help but feel self-aware of her appearance while in Winnie’s presence.

Two years ago, it was the red hair and the freckles that made her feel so inferior to the beautiful young woman in front of her. Now, even though she still didn’t love the way she looked, Anne had accepted there was nothing to be done regarding it.

But her choice of clothes made her feel just as plain as her thirteen year old self. Why did she have to be in trousers of all things?

With Aunt Jo away visiting a friend, neither Cole or Anne felt comfortable going through her clothes and borrowing something without permission, so the only option left was one of Cole’s old pair of trousers. They fit Anne quite well, if she was being honest, and she liked the look, reminding herself of her beloved teacher, Miss Stacy. It wouldn’t matter anyway, she had said to herself before walking out the door, she only had to get to her boarding house to change.

Why did she have to get wet?

“Paris does anyone wonders, believe me.” Winnie rested her chin on her hands, looking at Anne’s pants. “You look like a true Parisian woman.”

“What?”

“Trousers are the latest fashion in Paris. I never got to wear them –  _ Mother does not approve _ , but I always thought they were quite charming and you surely proved me right.”

Anne blushed and looked for any kind of indication that Winnie was being nice just to make her feel better about her situation, but she found nothing but pure honesty. As kind as she was, it wasn’t in Winifred’s nature to say anything she didn’t mean.

“Thank y—  _ is that an engagement ring?” _

At the observation, her face brightened.  _ “Yes, _ Theodore proposed on my last day in Paris. We’ll be set to marry by the end of the Summer.”

“Oh, Winnie, I’m so happy for you!” Anne exclaimed, clasping her hands together. “I wish you and Theodore a lifetime of happiness and fortune. Is he in town?”

“No, he had to return to his family in Nova Scotia but he’ll be back in a few days.”

“That’s too bad; I’d love to meet him sometime.” Anne looked at the clock behind Winnie and frowned. “Tell me, will Gilbert be done soon? I was under the impression he’d be off by five.”

“He should be done in a few minutes. I’m sure Dr. Ward is just being thorough with his checkup after the scare he gave us these past few weeks.”

“Scare?”

“I wasn’t aware of it until I arrived, of course, but for what Dr. Ward told me, Gilbert’s fever was one of the worst he’d seen in a while and he was sure he wouldn’t make it.”

Anne frowned, confused. “What?”

“I’m sure you know how  _ typhoid fever _ recoveries are not that easy and Gilbert, as stubborn as he is, ever so ready to return to sch— oh, what’s wrong?”

Anne felt her head spinning with all the new information she was receiving.  _ Typhoid fever _ , Winnie had said as if she was commenting on how terrible the weather was outside. As if it was common knowledge, Gilbert’s sickness. As if she knew.

Anne had no time to process or even answer Winnie’s question. Dr. Ward’s door was opened and the doctor exited his office writing something on his clipboard, followed by Gilbert, focused on buttoning his shirt.

“You are in top shape, my boy. I would still recommend a few more days of rest, but I’ve been treating a Blythe for too many years now to know when to save my breath.”

Gilbert chuckled. “I promise I’ll take it easy. I’ll spend the weekend at home to gather my stuff and I don’t think playing with a two year old will—  _ Anne!” _

The situation would be hilarious if the circumstances were different, she was sure of it. Gilbert looked at her as if he was hoping he was hallucinating and she wasn’t actually there. His eyes were a mist of surprise and fear and Anne could only wonder what she must look like right now in his eyes, with her clothes and her state, but mostly her expression that showed him how angry she was right now.

“Anne,” he said again, unsure. “What are you doing here? And why are you  _ wet _ —”

_ “You were sick?” _

Anne heard the little gasp come out of Winnie’s mouth behind her and saw Dr. Ward return to his office in silence out of the corner of her eye, but her focus was on Gilbert. He looked thinner than the last time she had seen him and there were deep bags under his eyes, like he had been deprived of sleep for the past week. That wasn’t the Gilbert she was used to. That was a worn down Gilbert and she had no idea what had happened to him.

Until now.

“Well…” He scratched the back of his neck, looking around as if he was hoping someone would jump in and rescue him. “I was a little under the weather, that’s all.”

“Since when is  _ typhoid fever _ ‘a little under the weather?’” she asked sharply.

His eyes moved from Anne’s face to Winnie’s, sending her an accusatory look. “You told her?”

“She thought I knew!” Anne exclaimed, frustrated, not giving Winnie a chance to answer him. “Winnie thought you had told me you were sick for—” she paused. “How long were you sick?”

Gilbert hesitated for a long second. “Two weeks.”

_ “Two weeks?” _

“It was nothing, Anne, really. I went back to Avonlea to talk to Mr. Barry about the orchard export and the next day I wasn’t feeling very well. It took a few days for Bash to fetch Dr. Ward and, well, he could only stay so long so Marilla had to—”

“Marilla knew?” she asked, not even bothering trying to hide the hurt behind her voice. She had received two letters from Marilla and none of them mentioned Gilbert being sick, even when Anne asked if she knew how long Gilbert planned to stay in Avonlea. “Bash, Marilla… I’m assuming Mrs. Lynde also knew because, how could she not? Why did no one tell me?”

Gilbert’s eyes darted away from her face and she knew the answer before he could open his mouth to say it.

“I asked them not to,” he mumbled. Anne felt her temper starting to get the best of her, chest filling with betrayal as Gilbert looked at her again and took a step towards her. “Anne, wait—”

She moved away from him. “You were  _ dying _ and you asked them… You asked them not to tell me.”

“I wasn’t  _ dying—” _

“You were in bed for two weeks and Winnie just told me Dr. Ward said he was sure you wouldn’t make it, that it was one of the worst cases he’d seen… How is that not dying?”

“I…” he paused, taking a deep breath in defeat. “I didn’t want you to see me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Dying. I didn’t want you seeing me die.”

There was a long silence in the room as Gilbert’s words set in. Dying, he had said. Gilbert had been dying and didn’t tell her – didn’t let anyone tell her, as a matter of fact. He had also been back for a few days now and none of this had even reached her ears as he made sure the truth was being kept from her.

A year ago she had poured her soul out to him with Matthew’s death, how much she wanted to be there for him, to be able to say her goodbyes and spend the little time he had left with her. Gilbert  _ knew _ the importance of all that to her and yet, he chose to deprive her of that once more.

That realization hurt more than the lie itself.

“Well.” Anne broke the silence, voice filled with hurt as she moved her eyes away from him. “I don’t want to see you at all, so goodbye.”

She quickly passed by him, walking towards the door and biting her lip to avoid a sob escaping her mouth as she left the practice.

Before the door closed, she heard Winnie’s frustrated voice.  _ “Honestly, Gilbert!” _

Anne walked quickly in the rain towards her boarding house. The water washed over her skin, making it impossible to distinguish the rain drops from the tears rolling down her face. She didn’t mean to cry, not really, but as soon as she left the building everything seemed to hit her hard.

What if he had died? She couldn’t imagine a world without Gilbert in it, just like she couldn’t without Matthew. And even though she knew such a world was possible, it still wasn’t the same. Nothing seemed right knowing Matthew wasn’t there for her to share it with. If she had to add Gilbert to that list...

“Anne!” She heard him calling her in the distance, his voice barely audible considering the loud rain storm around them.  _ “Anne!” _

Anne walked faster, wishing it wasn’t raining so the streets would be full with people, making it harder for Gilbert to catch up with her. Not that it would matter anyway, her bright red hair made it impossible for her to blend in.

All that mattered, however, was for Anne to get to her boarding house before he could catch up with her. Once inside, he wouldn’t be permitted to enter and even if he was, she’d be safe and sound in her room, where he surely wouldn’t be allowed to get in.

Realistically, Anne knew the chances of her outrunning Gilbert were very low, but that wouldn’t mean she’d make it any easier for him. Soon enough, a hand wrapped around her upper arm, stopping her from walking any further.

“Anne,  _ please,” _ he pleaded as she turned around to face him. Just like her, Gilbert was soaked, his dark curls pressed against his forehead, almost reaching his eyes, but he didn’t seem bothered by it. “You can’t walk home in this rain for much longer, you’ll catch your death.”

Anne scoffed, pulling her arm back from his grip. “Don’t you worry about my health; I’ll make sure to send you a letter after I’m gone.”

“Let me explain—“

“Explain  _ what? _ How little I must mean to you for not informing me when you were sick, even though I think of you as one of my kindred spirits and part of my family?” she demanded, crossing her arms. “Apparently you didn’t think the same thing.”

“That’s not true! It’s precisely because you’re one of the most important people in my life that I chose not to tell you!”

“You must think very little of Bash, Marilla, Mrs. Lynde  _ and  _ Winifred, then.”

Gilbert groaned, covering his face with his hands before taking a deep breath. “Can you please just listen to what I have to say?”

Anne paused, looking deeply into Gilbert’s eyes.

“No.”

She turned around once more and continued to walk determinedly, hoping Gilbert would get that she didn’t want anything else with him and just went home. However, luck wasn’t her strong suit that day. He walked past her, stopping Anne again.

“I didn’t want you to see me die because of Matthew,” he said firmly. She blinked quickly, surprised at the words that left his mouth. “You were heartbroken when he died and you weren’t there, but being there is so much worse and I didn’t want that for you.”

Anne stared at him, mouth open as the words he had said sank in. She didn’t know what Gilbert expected her to say or do after his confession, but from the look on his face, surely a slap across his cheek wasn’t one of them.

_ “How dare you use Matthew as an excuse for your choices?” _ She couldn’t keep her voice restrained any longer. His cheek quickly turned a light shade of pink in the shape of her hand and even with the storm around them, Anne could see the shocked look upon his face.

“It’s the truth!”

“You  _ know _ how deeply hurt I was by not being around when he passed. I  _ told _ you how I wished to be there for him during his last days, to make sure he knew how much I loved him!” Her voice cracked and soon enough hot tears started to roll down her cheeks once again. “And you’d choose to do the same? I never took you for a cruel person, Gilbert.”

“You don’t know what it’s like to watch someone die, Anne!” He raised his voice as well, hands running through his curls, pulling them away from his face. “I did that with my whole family. My brothers, they—” His voice broke at the mention of them, taking a few seconds to gather himself. Gilbert never talked about his brothers. “I was very young but I remember how the fever took them both away from me and my dad. And then dad got sick... I watched him die for  _ years _ . I saw the life leave his eyes every day, bit by bit, until it was all gone.”

“Gilbert…” Anne tried to say something, but she didn’t even know where to start. This was new territory for her. Gilbert was the most considerate person she knew— he made sure everyone was comfortable talking about the things that hurt them deeply, but never managed to do that himself. Never let his feelings be known.

Anne didn’t know how many times she caught him talking to Bash about Mary, letting his brother cry on his shoulder when he felt like his heart was about to explode, or when he went to the church’s cemetery with her to put flowers on Matthew’s grave. She knew he did the same for his family, but that was a private part of himself, one that Anne never managed to be a part of.

Gilbert raised his hand, stopping her from saying more. She watched him close his eyes for a second and take a deep breath before continuing.

“And then there was Mary, who had every bit of life inside of her and a whole future ahead of her and she died from a cut. Knowing you can’t do anything to help them and instead you just watch them die… That destroys you, Anne.”

“I watched Mary die too,” she said. “Maybe not in the same way you did with your father and brothers or Bash with her, but I was also there. And we got to say our goodbyes, to make her feel how loved she was…”

“Until the day she didn’t wake up and I could hear Bash’s scream from the barn,” he finished harshly. “This is not one of your romance books, Anne. The tragic aspects of life aren’t romantic, they’re  _ painful  _ and I wasn’t going to let you go through what I’ve been through with my family’s or Mary’s death.”

“Who are you to decide what I should or shouldn’t feel?” she asked, livid at the insinuation of her romanticizing death. Thirteen year old Anne surely thought that there was nothing more romantic than dying for their loved ones just like her books described, but how could Gilbert think that’s what she thought of love now? He knew her better than that.

But what riled her up the most was what he had said last. 

“What?” he asked, dumbfounded.

“You wouldn’t  _ let _ me?” she repeated. “You don’t have to  _ let _ me do anything, Gilbert Blythe! It’s not up to you to decide if I’m strong enough to handle life.”

“Would you do any differently?” he asked, surprising Anne with the question. “If the roles were reversed, would you have me there at your deathbed? Watching life fade away from you and knowing that I couldn’t do anything to save you?”

Anne felt silent. Of course she wouldn’t want him to see her dying, she wouldn’t want anyone seeing her like that, but she also wouldn’t want to die alone. She wanted to be somewhere where she was loved, knowing she meant something to someone, but at the same time not cause any pain to those she most cherished.

It wasn’t the answer Anne wanted to give, nor the one he wanted to hear.

“I am not the point of this conversation. A hypothetical decision I might’ve made doesn’t matter, what matters is the one you did.”

“Answer me. Would you?”

“No,” she answered slowly. “I wouldn’t want you there. But that doesn’t mean I would stop you from being present, if that’s what you wished.” She took a step towards him, eyes never leaving his face. “Now answer me this, Gilbert. Would you be fine not being there?”

“I…”

“Would you be just fine if you were out and about in Charlottetown when you received a telegram informing you of my passing? That I was sick for weeks and you didn’t even know? And that I died without saying goodbye?”

“I wrote you a letter,” he mumbled, looking down. “I heard Dr. Ward talk to Bash when they thought I was sleeping and... He was so sure I wouldn’t last another week. So I wrote you a letter and asked Bash to give it to you when the time came. I wasn’t going to leave you without saying goodbye or… or explaining why I didn’t tell you.”

“So if you had died, you’d get a way to say goodbye to me, but I wouldn’t have the same courtesy? How can you  _ possibly—” _

“It was the best option! That way you’d at least know why and...and—”

“That’s not the same thing.”

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second. “I know.”

Anne took one step closer to him, one hand cupping his cheek gently, thumb stroking the rain drops from his face unsuccessfully. It broke her heart to see him so beaten down like this and she wondered, for a second— what would it be like if he wasn’t there anymore?

Who would study with her every Wednesday afternoon after class? Or accompany her to lectures that only the two of them found interesting? Who else would she sneak out with to go on an adventure in the middle of the night? Gilbert was such a big important part of her life now and the mere thought that he might not even be there, arguing with her in the middle of the rain, made her want to cry.

“You can’t do this, Gilbert,” she said firmly, studying his face. “You can’t just… almost  _ die _ and not tell me about it.”

“I’m sorry, I—”

“You can’t die when I’m desperately _ in love _ with you.”

Gilbert opened his eyes slowly, looking at her like she had said something he’d only heard in a dream. And that’s when she finally saw  _ it,  _ clear as day, what everyone always told her. After all this time, she had fooled herself into thinking there was nothing more than friendship between her and Gilbert. Even if that was the case on her part, it was never on his.

She remembered many years ago Ruby mentioning the love in his eyes whenever he looked at her, and even though everyone knew it wasn’t ever directed at Ruby, Anne didn’t realize it was directed at her. How did she never notice it? It was the same look Bash had for Mary, the one she dreamed of receiving. 

But there was a longing there that Anne wasn’t prepared for. How could he love her for so long and never tell her about it? How blind could she possibly be?

She knew the answer for that, of course. Anne had her own idea of what romance must be like, the stories of her books explained very well, but that’s all that they were: stories. It wasn’t just because someone recited poetry about your eyebrows that there was love between them—Roy proved that. He was her ideal man, looks and personality so close to what she had envisioned for herself, and yet it wasn’t right.

Even though everything was perfectly fine between them and she felt comfortable around him, that flame never existed. He had said everything she wanted to hear but Roy never looked at her the way Gilbert did. Anne knew she was missing something, but never realized that it was this. That it was  _ him. _

She took a step towards him, closing the space between them. Her hands still rested on his cheek, her thumb stroking his face gently as she rose on her feet and met his lips with hers.

And just like that, she knew what love was supposed to feel like. Love was Gilbert’s lips pressing against hers, feeling as soft as she once imagined. Love was the way her heart was beating in her chest and the warmth running across her cheeks. Love was feeling so complete at the mere touch of him. Love was Gilbert.

The kiss was delicate and unhurried, as if she was testing her boundaries to this new development of their dynamic. She had kissed him without a second thought, letting her emotions get the best of her and she regretted none of it.

But Gilbert’s lips barely moved against hers, as if he was still processing her words and her sudden movement, trying to understand what was happening. Anne breathed in against his lips one last time before moving away from him.

“You—” he started, and Anne waited for the next words to come out but she seemed to have left him speechless.

“I—” Anne took a deep breath, trying to find the right words, but none coming to mind. Her eyes returned to him, who waited patiently for her to say something,  _ anything, _ but her mind betrayed her once more. “I don’t know.”

His face fell. “You don’t… know.”

“I don’t know what to say. I just—” she ran her hands through her hair, releasing a frustrating groan when her fingers got stuck on a knot. It was then that she finally remembered she was soaked to the bone, her hair tangled and clinging to her face and neck. The water had entered her boots and was soaking her socks, and she felt like she was standing with her feet inside a puddle. Noticing it all at that point only made her more frustrated.

“Do you mean it?”

“What?”

“What you just said…” He slowly took a step forward, as if at any sudden movement she’d run away from his touch. “What you just did. Do you mean it?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure, Anne? I need you to be sure because I’ve been in love with you since I can remember and I would very much like to kiss you again.”

Anne nodded, a relieved smile spreading across her face. “I love you too.”

And with that, she closed the space between them once more. Gilbert quickly put his hands on her back as he held her up close to his chest, leaving her on her tiptoes. Unlike the previous kiss, Gilbert explored her mouth slowly, as if he was memorizing the feeling of this new level of intimacy, and Anne couldn’t help but groan at the feeling.

She tangled one hand in Gilbert’s hair, sighing against his mouth as the other rested upon his heart and Anne could just feel the effect that moment had on him. Not that she could say much; she could feel her heart beating as much, if not more, rapidly than his. Slowly, Anne moved her hand to his shoulders, her fingertips barely touching his neck as she caressed him lightly, eliciting a groan from the back of his throat.

It was easy to forget they were in public under a thunderstorm after that. Her body wasn’t soaking wet anymore and her hair sticking to her neck was long forgotten because kissing Gilbert was burning her body from the inside out with want for him and nothing else mattered. Anne wanted to stay there forever kissing Gilbert until her lungs gave out.

After a while, Gilbert broke the kiss, moving his lips to Anne’s face, leaving numerous kisses over her face, and making Anne giggle at how unwillingly he seemed to part from her. He finally rested his forehead against hers, breathing heavily along with her.

A loud rumble of thunder was the only thing that managed to make them realize their surroundings once again. Anne bit her lip, holding a smile. “It’s raining.”

“Yeah.” Gilbert chuckled, looking at the sky as if he needed proof. “We should probably get you home and dry.”

“We should get  _ you _ to your boarding house before you get hypothermia. You’re still not fully recovered and shouldn’t be out and about in the rain in the first place.”

“I’ll be fine. Dr. Ward said so.”

“And  _ I _ say you have no business being outside in the middle of a thunderstorm!”

“You are the one who left Dr. Ward’s! What was I supposed to do? Leave you in a thunderstorm?”

“Well,  _ yes.” _

Gilbert groaned, closing his eyes for a second before pulling her closer. “What about we both get ourselves somewhere dry? Together.”

“Aunt Jo’s house is not far,” she suggested and Gilbert nodded. “You can borrow something from Cole and perhaps my skirt had a chance to dry.”

“Sounds good to me, although I don’t mind seeing you wearing trousers,” he said, looking at her clothes for a second before looking back at her face.

“I don’t mind it either, but I’m cold.”

“Let’s go, then.”

Before Anne could leave his embrace to lead him to Aunt Jo’s house, Gilbert cupped the back of her neck and kissed her again, lingering for a few seconds before he pulled back and smiled.

Roy was a perfect gentleman and easily one of the nicest young men Anne had met. Anne still cared deeply for him, but two years with him didn’t make her feel half of what seeing Gilbert’s smile did. Her new relationship with Gilbert wouldn’t be easy and far from a fairytale, but, Anne realized, that’s what made things interesting and real. Gilbert was beyond frustrating and infuriating at times and always managed to get on her nerves with the littlest of things, but she had never felt so much for anyone and she suspected it was the same for him.

“I love you, Anne-girl.”

“I love you, Gil.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are! At the last chapter!
> 
> First of all I want to thank my beautiful betas, Sabrina and Giulia, who are angels for going through this with me and helping me out at all times. I had a wonderful time writing this fic and seeing all your comments made me smile and I am so glad you stuck with me and enjoyed this fic. I hope this last chapter brings you joy!
> 
> Also, the kissing scene was inspired once more by the amazing @welpsauce on twitter/instagram art of shirbert [_kissing in the rain_](https://twitter.com/welpsauce/status/1243625755164147714). A true piece of art, really.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think and, once again, thank you so much for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> So this was suppose to be an overall fic but when I finished, I was worried that people wouldn't be able to follow this whole back and forwards with the flashbacks, so a short multi-chapter it is!
> 
> As many of you who read the books know, Roy and Anne met at Redmond and the whole umbrella thing happened, but I decided to bring him to the AWAE world earlier for the sole purpose of drama. I also know that Roy is a nice guy in the books but since he was written so little in Anne of the Island, I took some liberties into writing him because this was hard af lol.
> 
> Check out the [collection](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/shirbertsongproject2020) for more works of the Shirbert Song Project and the tags #shirbertsongproject on Twitter and Tumblr
> 
> I do hope you all like this and I can't wait to hear what you thought about it.
> 
> I'm always open to chat so you can find me on tumblr as anneshirlei and on twitter as lillieswho :)


End file.
